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Confessions: My girlfriend was slept with another man a week before our wedding

Marriage Advice

She was snogging a stranger at a bar and disappeared without her friends or her bag and woke up in a hotel room that had been paid for by someone else

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my fiancee over three years and we have been through a lot together. But it has been a very good and happy relationship most of the time.

Recently, however, she cheated on me after going out drinking with her best friend. I woke up the morning after to a message from her best mate, who said my fiancee had disappeared the night before with a random guy, leaving her handbag behind.

To our relief, she turned up at her mum’s house later that day claiming she couldn’t remember anything about the previous night.

But she has admitted to kissing someone because all her friends saw her do it.

The only facts I know are that she was snogging a stranger at a bar and disappeared without her friends or her bag and woke up in a hotel room that had been paid for by someone else.

I have been trying really hard to work past this with her, but I’m struggling.

And to make things a hundred times worse, we are supposed to be getting married in a month’s time.

How can I sort out this mess?

Please help.

Coleen says

It’s a very distressing situation all round. Is she worried her drink was spiked or is she using the ‘I can’t remember a thing’ line as a way of dealing with the guilt, brushing over it without giving you a proper explanation? What you need to get across to her is that the only way you can move on from what happened is if she’s completely honest with you.

Whatever the circumstances, she needs to learn to stop drinking before she gets to a point where she abandons her friends and her handbag, and walks off with a total stranger.

I’m sure in hindsight it’s scared her to death and she’ll take a lot more care when she’s next out.

Whatever the circumstances, it’s going to take you a while to get past this – if you can get past it – because you feel let down and betrayed, and you’re still hurting.

If you’re really unsure about how you feel and what you want, then don’t go through with the wedding or at least postpone it.

Who cares how it will look to other people? Getting married is a big thing and it should be one of the best days of your life.

How are you going to feel walking down the aisle with her at this moment? Not how you should be feeling on your wedding day, I suspect.

Both of you have to be brutally honest – sit up as long as it takes, cry and get the anger out.

And be very certain that if you do walk down the aisle, you’ve resolved things between you and want to make a fresh start.

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