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Confessions: I slept with my husband's friend while he was away on a funeral

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married to a wonderful man for four years. We’re both 33 and have been together 10 years. Now I’m worried I’ve destroyed our marriage.

My husband has this friend who’s a Jack the lad character and goes from woman to woman.

My husband has always worried about him trying it on with me. I’ve always said he has nothing to worry about and that I’d never do anything like that.

About two weeks ago my husband and I had an argument over something and nothing. We never argue.

That night he had to go away for two days to attend a funeral. The same night I met up with some of my girlfriends in town.

I got really drunk and said to my friends that I was going home.

It was only about 11.30pm, so I waited for a late bus and my husband’s friend came past in a taxi and offered me a lift, which I accepted.

The taxi stopped outside my house and we saw lights flicking on and off in my living room, so this friend came inside with me to check it out.

But it was just a light bulb flickering on and off. We went back outside, but the taxi had gone. He called for another but it was going to be 30 minutes, so I told him to come inside to wait.

I was still a bit upset about the argument with my hubby, so I got some wine out and we chatted for a bit on the sofa.

Well, one glass of wine turned in to three or four and when I was sat close to him I could see why women fall for him.

The next thing, he was kissing me and then we ended up having sex.

I can’t believe I’ve done this to my husband. The one thing I said I would never do. I never thought I would cheat. I love my husband so much and I don’t know what to do.

I feel so guilty, but if I tell him he will leave me. I need your advice.

Coleen says

If you’re being honest, there was a part of you that was attracted to the fact that he fancied you - and your hubby spotted that.

When you’ve been together a long time, it’s nice to know you’re still attractive to other people, however, that should have been enough.

You’ve made an awful mistake in a moment of madness, but I don’t think you can get away with not telling your husband.

First of all, from your letter I’m not sure you’re the type of person who’d be able to live with the guilt.

And, even if you could, I wouldn’t trust this so-called friend not to let the cat out of the bag - he wouldn’t be able to resist telling your hubby or at least making sure he found out.

So, if I were in your shoes, I’d have to own up to it and take my chances, even if I thought my husband might leave me over it.

All you can do is hope that when he calms down he’ll realise this friend is no friend and that he doesn’t want to throw away 10 years with you over him.

Yes, it takes two to tango, and you’re equally responsible, but I think this guy had his eye on you and he made his move when you were vulnerable.

I don’t know whether your husband will forgive you but, if he does, you’ll have to be prepared for the fact that your relationship will change and it will be shaky for a long time.

However, I’ve seen this happen to other couples and they’ve worked through it successfully.

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