Why you should not fake an orgasm

I hope every woman out there has resolved to stop faking orgasms in 2018. I can’t think of a greater disservice you can do to yourself. The old aphorism, ‘fake it till you make it,’ might apply in most aspects of our lives, but it totally doesn’t apply to our sex lives. The truth is, there are no pros to faking the Big O.

It does nothing for you or your relationship. As a matter of fact, you will be hurting yourself by setting yourself up for a life of sexual frustration. For starters, I don’t think you’ll derive any pleasure in a sexual encounter where all your focus is on trying to make convincing facial expressions and just the right amount of groans and moans. Secondly, your partner will never be able to please you because he will never know how to if you keep pretending that the status quo is satisfactory.

By faking an orgasm, you effectively put your relationship at risk because you are being deceptive to your partner. You think you are sparing his feelings and ego by pretending to come, rather than letting him know that for whatever reason he could not make you come. Believe me, he will be more hurt if he discovers you are faking and, nowadays, a lot of men can tell the difference between a real orgasm and a fake one.

In order to stop this destructive habit, we need to start being honest with our partners and ourselves. A vast majority of women find it hard to achieve orgasm. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you and it doesn’t mean it is impossible either. When you get together with a new partner, it is important to let him know this and set expectations beforehand so you don’t have to go through that painstaking process of faking an orgasm. You should just come out and tell your partner that you don’t get off easily with someone new, so if it doesn’t happen, he should not worry because you will figure it out together in time.

Orgasms can be hard to achieve even when with a regular partner like a husband. Sometimes you are tired and not feeling especially turned on and you know you are not going to achieve an orgasm. Again, just be honest, and tell your partner that an orgasm for you shouldn’t be a goal at that time.  

There is a lot of pressure on women to reach orgasm because women are still more concerned about making sex pleasurable for the man. We believe that letting him know he didn’t get you off will offend him. So, we see faking it as a convenient alternative. We are getting into 2018 and we are still prioritising male pleasure over our own! There are women who have been in monogamous relationships for years and have never had an orgasm, but they are not bothered by this because to them, as long as the man is enjoying it, everything is okay. This needs to stop. You deserve to enjoy sex just as much as the man and most men out there won’t mind going the extra mile to help you achieve orgasm. You need to start taking control of matters in the bedroom. Expand your sexual repertoire and learn what works and what doesn’t work for you and then let your partner know. You are not doing anyone any favours when you fake an orgasm.

@roxannekenya