Should I move in with my boyfriend?

I am not sure how I feel about ‘officially’ cohabiting [Courtesy, Freepik]

Hi Chris,

I spend a lot of nights at my boyfriend’s place, and now my rent is going up, so he has suggested I move in. But I am not sure how I feel about ‘officially’ cohabiting. What do you think? Moving in?

Hi Moving in?!

Everyone has different feelings about cohabiting, but it is here to stay. And can be a smart move for couples who are already spending most of their time together. But moving in together without a deliberate discussion about your future is risky.

One of you might be seeing living together as a step toward marriage, while the other sees it as a way to postpone commitment. Or thinks it is just a practical matter, like reducing costs.

Slipping into cohabitation wouldn’t be such a bad thing if sliding out again were just as easy.

But it isn’t. Your finances will get entangled, and nearly a fifth of cohabiting women become pregnant. And so you marry. Not because you are right for one another, but because it is the easiest option. So don’t move in before you have had the ‘Where are we going?’ talk and are sure your expectations match.

And if that conversation feels uncomfortable, you are not ready to move in. It helps if you are already spending most nights together because at least you will know about each other’s bathroom habits! But if you look forward to the nights you sleep alone? Take that feeling seriously.

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Is your boyfriend there when you need him? Do you feel valued, and your opinion respected? Can you talk about anything? Do you trust each other? Do you handle conflict well? Do you agree about having children? Is your boyfriend financially secure? Agree on household arrangements upfront.

Like maybe running a joint bank account for rent, food and bills, so you never have to argue over who pays what. There are many upsides of course, like you will be able to have sex any time you want! But that’s also when you discover that your sex drives are different. But so long as your expectations match, living together can be bliss.

All the best,

Chris