My partner is lazy and contributes nothing to our relationship

Dear Coleen

I’ve been in a relationship for three years and have four children – the elder two are from a previous relationship and the younger two I had with my partner.

My problem is, I feel like I’m in a relationship with a man-child. He has never contributed to anything – ever! We didn’t actually date each other in the usual way because I got pregnant very quickly. So I guess we never had that time to really get to know each other.

He also favours our two kids over my elder children, who he says are naughty and don’t listen to him. They’re not any naughtier than any other kids of the same age – they’re just normal!

He does very little around the house and if I do ask him to do something he sulks and says I treat him like child. I even pay him to take the older kids to school, as I don’t have the time – and I pay for everything else as well.

I love him but I can’t handle the fact he does nothing. He plays computer games or watches telly most of the day. I try so hard to keep us together for the kids. My older two got so attached to my last partner but that relationship failed miserably and the kids suffered a lot.

Coleen says

It sounds like you treat him like a child because he behaves like one.

Halfway through your letter you say you love him – but there is nothing to indicate why. He has no redeeming qualities at all!

I honestly think you’re more in love with the fantasy of what you want the relationship to be like – but it’s not.

Of course, I understand that you don’t want to rock your kids’ world but what’s the alternative? Bringing them up with a father who contributes nothing and makes their mum unhappy? He can’t even take the kids to school without getting paid for it.

As for the kids being naughty, if they are, it’s probably because they don’t respect him.

He’s lying around the house all day and not behaving like a father, so they don’t treat him like one.

If you’re worried about being a single mum, don’t be. You’re already doing everything yourself so if you did split up with him, nothing would change. You’d just have to find someone else to take your kids to school.

I think you need to tell him to get his act together or get out.