Five common signs of gaslighting in your relationship

Often a sign of an abusive relationship, gaslighting is a form of manipulation where the abuser makes the person they are targeting doubt their reality.

Many times, the victim starts to wonder if they are going crazy.

If you find yourself constantly tracing back and doubting yourself to a point where you start thinking maybe your memory is getting fuzzy, chances are you could be a victim of gaslighting.

If it continues on, you will find yourself unable to trust your own instincts, feelings and perception of reality.

Should you suspect that you may be going through this covert form of abuse, here are a few signs you can use to unearth these subtle traits in your partner. 

They claim you’re crazy

If you find yourself questioning whether you’re too sensitive, chances are your partner has been flipping issues and suggesting something is wrong with you.

They tell you things like ‘stop overreacting’ or ‘you’re being too emotional’ which in turn makes you lose faith in your own judgement.

As if that isn’t enough, they can go to your family or friends behind your back to stir things up and bad mouth you and before you know it, mum is calling all concerned asking about your mental health.

This master technique works because once you tell people he or she is an abuser no one will believe once they start questioning your sanity.

The lies

One of the best signs to pick up is their need to lie even when they don’t have to. They are pathological liars. For instance, they will blatantly deny something they did or said despite you being there having seen it or heard it. 

Their intention is to plant doubt and make you second guess everything.

They can go as far as denying the sky is blue no matter how obvious it is.

You’re always the one on the wrong

If you find yourself always apologizing for things you haven’t done and rarely get a ‘’sorry’’ from them, you need to run.

Even when they're wrong, they will find a way to turn it around and make it your fault. They always have to be right about everything no matter how trivial it is. Take, for example, they come late for a party; they will blame you for not being clear about the time.

On those rare occasions when they do apologize, it’s typically not genuine and they will still shift blame to you and once again you are the one on the wrong.

They use things against you

Once they know that certain things are important to you and how you identify with them, they will use them as ammunition to attack you.

You will hear things like, ‘’you don’t deserve to be a CEO,’’ or ‘’you shouldn’t have gotten those kids.’’ The key is to make you question the foundation of your being while constantly telling you, you would have been a better person if you didn’t have a long list of negative traits.

They project

One tactic they use to deflect from their own bad behaviour is accusing you of doing it. If he or she is cheating, they will point a finger at you calling you a cheater.

This will force you to defend yourself as you overlook the issue at hand missing the point entirely. This let’s them slip away without addressing what they have done.