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'It's too painful to stay friends with my ex after he dumped me but he keeps messaging'

Girl Talk - By Mirror | January 27th 2021 at 09:05:18 GMT +0300
He’s been in touch a lot via text and social media, wanting to be friends (Photo: Shutterstock)

Dear Coleen

Before Christmas, my boyfriend ended our relationship and I was devastated. I’m still heartbroken because it was his choice and I still love him and miss him.

We’re both back at university, although nearly all of our classes are online, so I don’t actually see him that often, which is a godsend. My problem is, he’s been in touch a lot via text and social media, wanting to be friends. However, I can’t just switch off how I feel and it’s like a dagger to the heart every time I get a message from him.

I also suspect he’s seeing another girl from looking at his social media, which is an extra blow. What should I do?

I don’t think I can be friends with him, but I don’t want any bad feelings either because we have friends in common and obviously attend the same college.

Coleen says

I think you’re right – it’s too soon to be friends. Of course he thinks it’s fine to stay mates because it was his choice to end the relationship and he’s also moved on with someone else.

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I think it is possible to be friends in the future if that’s what you want, but I don’t think you’ve been apart long enough for it to work at the moment – your feelings are still raw.

Stop torturing yourself with his social media posts and unfollow him (he’ll get over it), and why not just send him a polite message saying it’s too early to decide whether you want to be friends with him, so you’d like him to stop sending you messages.

Focus on your friends and your studies, and don’t engage with your ex.

Yes, it’s going to hurt for a while, but you will get over it and you’ll get over it quicker if he’s not a part of your life.

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