Along with giving up smoking and cutting down on booze, there’s another thing you should be giving priority to: sorting out problems with your sex life that never seem to go away.
Get rid of the things you regularly squabble about – once and for all – with these simple but effective therapist-approved techniques.
The Five Minute Clock
If you find your arguments seem to go round and round in circles with neither of you really listening to the other, this simple solution can make all the difference. All you need is the stopwatch on your phone and a quiet place to talk.
The next time you argue, instead of both talking over each other, set the clock for five minutes and try this.
One of you gets to speak while the other stays completely silent and listens intently, trying as much as possible not to react emotionally to what’s being said. When the five minutes is up, the listener repeats back what they think they’ve just been told.
This ensures you actually do listen, rather than spend the time planning what you’re going to say when it’s your turn!
The Magnet Method
If your problem is more a sex frequency mismatch, this works a treat.
The main aim is to stop the ‘Do they/Don’t they want sex?’ daily dilemma which has both of you circling each other, sniffing the air for clues.
It requires zero effort and it’s great for couples that don’t feel comfortable discussing their sexual needs (you’d still be far better off if you did, mind you!).
You need two fridge magnets, easily distinguishable from each other.
Each of you claim a magnet then move it once a day depending on if you do or don’t feel like sex.
If the magnet is close to the top of the fridge, it means you’re extremely interested; if it’s at the bottom, you’d rather be filling in your tax return.
The I’m-In-Charge Libido Booster
If you’re arguing over who does or doesn’t initiate sex, try this programme (for the person who doesn’t initiate).
During the programme, your partner remains passive when you initiate sexual contact.
Make it clear they’re not to take it further: simply accept and enjoy what you’re doing to them. It’s important you spell this out or they’ll take over and you’re back to square one!
They also need to give you permission to stop when you want.
A Lusty Lucky Dip
This works a treat because while it does involve the dreaded ‘P’ word (planning), once you’ve done the initial exercise, it’s spontaneous sex from that point on. Ready? Grab a pen and paper and both of you write down 10 new things you’d like to try.
You can do it there and then or give yourselves a good week to do this properly. Don’t think about what you think your partner will agree to, focus on what you’d like, aiming for a mix of simple ideas to those which take more effort and the not-so-naughty right through to outright wicked!
Once you’ve both completed your lists, swap and go through and approve or disapprove each other’s suggestions.
A Telling Test
Can you name the top three places your partner loves to be touched?
Come on, right off the top of your head, without even thinking about it, list off your partner’s three hot zones.
If you don’t know the answer or spend the next few hours struggling to even come up with one or two, your sex life could be in trouble.