Sexually satisfying ? How to deal with masturbation

Uh-oh! I think I have a problem. What do I do now?

1. Don't overthink it: Obsessing about the fact that you think you have a problem will have the opposite effect of what you hope to achieve. Start by saying "I think I have a problem with masturbation. I'm going to do what I can to be/feel better about it."

2. Zero in: Determine what aspect of masturbation is a problem for you so you can have a clearer idea of what you would like to change, and how you would like to change it. So, for example, are you concerned about how much you masturbate, how much of your time you spend thinking about it, whether or not you actually engage in it, how it's affecting your romantic relationships, how it's affecting your non-romantic relationships? Identify what's truly posing as a problem so you can direct your energies there as well as have a way to track your progress.

3. Identify any triggers: These can vary from watching/reading sexually explicit material, having too much idle time, having access to a conducive space e.g. a private bedroom with a lock, friends who talk about it too much, etc. Figure out what makes it harder for you not to masturbate, and then interrupt it. If you have too much idle time, find activities to stay busy.

If you have a space that makes it difficult not to masturbate, find a way to make it less private/more accessible to others to disrupt your own negative patterns. If the company you keep is too sexually charged, limit your time with them or find ways to remove yourself when things go too far.

4. Have a plan in place: If you have a trigger, put a plan in place for what to do when the trigger happens. Even if you don't have a trigger, still have a plan in place for what to do/not do in certain circumstances that may limit your ability to resist. You could, for example, plan to exercise, read something non-sexual, or engaging in other satisfying activities that are both useful and provide sufficient distraction from masturbation.

5. Take it easy: Try to understand that masturbation in and of itself is not abnormal. In addition, majority of humans have masturbated and do masturbate; even animals do it!. This is not about stopping a wrong thing. This is about stopping the misuse of a sexual tool and redirecting that sexual energy to more useful, less harmful sexual and non-sexual contexts.

As a final note, I would like to say that this has been written for those who feel that masturbation is a problem and distraction for them. In other words, if masturbation does not interfere with your life, sexual or emotional well-being, this piece is not for you.

Masturbation – like other pleasurable aspects of the human experience – is about balance. Imbalance in any area will likely lead to distress so seek balance, even in something as sexually satisfying as masturbation.

Maggie Gitu is a marriage, family and sex therapist. Reach her on: [email protected] or via her Facebook page: Maggie Gitu