Six ways to find yourself before looking for a soulmate - Evewoman

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Six ways to find yourself before looking for a soulmate

We’d all want someone who understands us in a deep way, but do we understand ourselves? (Shutterstock)

Relationships can be a tricky terrain to maneuver. Ask anyone living in Nairobi in 2020. It’s hard to find the right person with the qualities of a lover leave alone a true genuine friend. 

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Admittedly, we’d all want someone who understands us in a deep way. But before finding that person, there are key areas that need to be worked on before you decide to jump into a serious relationship. It’s much better to be honest with yourself and sort those issues first or you will carry your past relationship’s baggage to your new relationship.

For this reason, the importance of working on yourself cannot be stressed enough.

As you keep your heart open to love, you must first deal with yourself. Here are tips to guide you on how to work on yourself:

  1. Find what makes you happy

There is no single formula to happiness. People enjoy different things so you’re free to set your own standard of happiness as long as it’s positive. This kind of awareness is important as it helps you know how to deal with feelings of stress, depression, anger and any other negative emotions you might experience. No one should hold the key to your happiness, but you!

  1. Work on taking better care of yourself

It’s important to take self-care seriously before you decide to date. You should treat your body like a temple and work on yourself every day. Embrace a healthy lifestyle and be more active because this will have a positive effect on how you feel about yourself. Working on how you look will boost your self-image and help you get into a relationship with more confidence.

  1. Build your self esteem

Self-confidence isn’t just about how you look. It’s also about how you feel about yourself. When you keep fit and take care of yourself without working on your esteem, you still won’t be able to feel confident. Having esteem issues in relationships will make you doubt your partner’s compliments. This is a breeding ground for a toxic situation. For this reason, it’s important to find ways to deal with your esteem issues before getting into a relationship.

It doesn’t hurt to have standards when it comes to the type of man or woman you’re looking for (Shutterstock)
  1. Solidify what you’re looking for

It doesn’t hurt to have standards when it comes to the type of man or woman you’re looking for. This will direct you to the right person who is likely interested in a long lasting relationship rather than settling for someone you have nothing in common with. Set your relationship goals according to your career goals, family goals, values and other core aspects that affect relationships. While you may get carried away, don’t focus on superficial goals. Instead, set your eyes on someone who is genuinely interested in you and one who has the same life goals.

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  1. Heal from past relationship trauma

Past trauma can destroy your relationships. When you enter a new relationship with past relationship trauma, you put a lot of pressure on your partner to heal you and make you happy. You also won’t be able to give your all to your new partner because you’re focused on what someone else did in the past. Take time out to journal or visit a counsellor. Until you’re sure you have completely healed, don’t jump onto the next relationship just yet.

  1. Find your strengths and weaknesses

We’re all good and terrible at something so find out what your strengths and flaws are. It’s not practical to be perfect before entering into a relationship frankly because, that only exists in fairy tales. The key thing is to be self-aware of what your strengths and weaknesses are. With this knowledge, you’ll be more confident with what you have to offer while helping your partner to be more patient and understanding.

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The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of

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