One thing I have always asked God is to keep me away from a relationship where I will be financially stronger than my man. If ever I find myself in such a situation, trust me, I will be confused about the whole thing. Especially if the man is already aware that he can’t flex his financial muscle next to me. In fact, if I ever find myself in such a situation, I will try to never bring it up. I will ensure my man believes he is the mover and shaker in the house.
Generally, money is power and the more you have, the more powerful you get. If you are the stronger one financially in the house, you automatically become the decision maker even when you don’t want to. Your man will always want to seek your opinion and tend to sway by it, having in mind that you are likely going to be the one to chip in the bigger percentage of the funds involved. I have somehow come to learn that, as women, once we are aware that our finances are the wheels that keep our homes going, we forget that the man is ideally the head of the house and begin taking matters into our hands rendering the men in our lives powerless. This has ended quite a number of relationships.
Some women who have found themselves in such situations have gone ahead to play safe by letting their men handle all their earnings. They end up asking for their own money from their men just to ensure the men are in control. I have seen women hand their men their ATM cards and passwords to control their funds in cases where the men are either jobless or earned too little to keep the family going. This never ends well either. ‘Power’ gets into these men’s heads and that’s when the relationship starts crumbling like the walls of Jericho.
This is why I pray that I never get myself entangled in such a relationship because once bitten, twice shy. Not that I ever got the guts to give any man my ATM card. I was once in a relationship with one jobless human yet I had a job myself. I wasn’t earning much though, but it was enough to make me ‘the head of the family’.
Dear ladies, this ‘head of the family’ title is not ours and was never meant to be. The moment we take it, especially with a man around, we tend to go wrong all the way. Then we start throwing tantrums and regretting later.
It is easier being the head when you are the only parent than being the head when the man exists. I remember coming back home to a house with a full blown adult watching television munching on anything and everything edible in the house and laying not a finger on any house chore.
One time I came back home to find my 15 litres of fine wine gone! The wine was in packs of 5 litres each that had been gifted to me by a friend from France. The good African in me had stored it well for display and very important visitors. Only for this man to drink it all with four friends that I never met! At some point, I thought they had used it to do the dishes. Who takes 15 litres of fine wine in a day and takes off before the owner of the wine gets back from work? By the way, they should thank their gods I never met them because I could have milked the wine out their bodies one by one.
This shows how edgy women tend to be when they assume the role of the head of the house. I don’t even know how men do it calmly; maybe God just gave them the heart to head the family without yelling at every little thing.
It’s really tricky carrying that title as a woman. Imagine having to hand your man cash every time there is need to settle a payment and giving him instructions on what to do and how to do it? Some men even lose their masculinity when they find themselves in such a situation. They start doing house chores vigorously and endlessly. See, I am even complaining if a man does house chores.
Dear God, just ensure all men earn enough to take charge in their homes. This confusion is lethal!
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