Bad boy: Why marriage is more vulnerable

Many marriages have been unravelling around you. You would expect that people get tired of each other in middle-age, but a surprising number of millennials are already divorced, separated, or in advanced stages of divorce and separation.

Whereas in the past, a conciliatory tone prevailed between warring spouses, nowadays, no matter how little the slight is, things often escalate so fast, and the outcome is always individuals separating in haste, getting back together before all issues have been addressed and divorcing yet again. From talking to your friends, here are the common threats to marriages nowadays.

Too little sex: Too much work, commonplace infection, disaffection, and an erosion of interest over time kill the sex drive of individuals, leaving one spouse more starved than the other. Instead of taking a proactive approach to addressing the problem, many couples hide their pain and displeasure, hoping for a better time that never arrives. Hence the many adults in foul moods, the many adults cheating, and the consequences are too grave to bear. It is especially dangerous if a woman switches off sexually. Accusations of infidelity spring up as the other partner has to account for how they quench their thirst. Some women don’t know how to balance their many obligations and can shelve some things to the detriment of the marriage. Men too can lose interest, find a substitute, ignoring their wives needs.

Peer pressure: The worst mistake a couple can make is to live their lives comparing it with another couple’s. But it is also very natural. You have seen men whose wives put them under so much pressure because of this. But the same happens to men. They have a way of throwing shade at their wives by comparing them to others. Women can be competitive in a destructive way. Just because your friend moved to a better neighbourhood does not mean that you too must move to prove a point. Some women look at the cars the next couple is driving, the schools the other kids are attending and wish their men could do the same for their families.

Too much dishonesty: In our parents’ days, couples were honest with each other -— at least on fundamental things. Nowadays, few men know what their wives are up to. And neither do women know what their husbands are up to. Spouses chase individual dreams and make big moves in an unhealthy competition that compromises their quality of life. It is true that even the best lover can betray you, it makes no sense to live in a house like rivals.

Lack of transition, growing up: Most college-educated women take so much time to fully-transition into their roles as wives. In the meantime, they still want time with the girls, still want to party, and the fact that they can outsource parenting to house helps often obscures their reasoning. Few know the cultural and social expectations of wives. The same can be said for men who rarely want to live up to their titles as they are on drinking sprees, enjoying their toys and taking too much time to start doing husband things. This often results in highly toxic marriages.

Tough economic times: In homes where the man is the breadwinner, tough times can take away his breadwinning power. This doesn’t sit well with many women. As soon as a man loses his job, or his source of income dries up, he has less than two months before the wife starts becoming unreasonable. Men, always be on the lookout, don’t get too comfortable with one source of income. Diversify.

@nyanchwani

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