So this week, I happened upon a certain radio conversation. This angry fellow had called in threatening to butcher a certain boda boda rider who confused his wife. From the caller’s accent, it was clear he comes from a community not scared of butchering people. He ended his call with a strange question, “What does a boda boda jamaa have that I do not have?” This set me on a path of inquiry to find out if boda boda guys possess some magic when it comes to seducing women.
My ‘research’ unleashed some rather interesting facts about the new “IT” men when it comes to women these days. Just to be clear, we are talking about men who make the women’s world move and shake, not by trips and expensive jewellery but by some good ol’ loving. I was shocked to discover that the usual suspects - gym instructors, matatu drivers, shamba boys have been dethroned by these boda boda guys and house caretakers. I was also provided with reasons as to why these guys are rocking women’s worlds.
Let us start with the simple fact, that there is something innately sexy and primal about a man on a bike, especially when the said man is lean and fully in charge of his bike.
There are numerous movies, which show the hero on his bike disappearing into the sunset with a fine lady.
Many of the women who have tasted what boda boda guys have to offer to confirm that there is a direct correlation between a guy’s ability to gurumisha his bike and his ability to rev up a woman’s sensual motor. It just does not end there; contrary to what many might think, there is quite some skill required to ferry women on boda bodas.
The boda boda guy must vary his skill based on terrain, based on the size and curvature of the woman’s posterior and based on any luggage she might be carrying around.
This kind of skill and consideration usually carries favour and opens doors for conversations of other kinds and eventually for bedroom matters.
It is a well-known fact that matatu guys tend to be rough and sometimes too bullish when it comes to dealing with women. They also operate crazy hours with little flexibility. In matters love, boda boda guys have more flexibility since they can decide how many rides to do in a day - they are basically a one-man operation. They have also taken a different approach, preferring to be tender and sleek in their approach to women. They know for example that hair matters a lot to women, so some innovative ones provide protective headgear - how is that for innovation?
Others know many women are deprived of conversational attention, so they become bike therapists.
They see every bike ride as a mini therapy session, where they engage their female passengers in conversations to find out what ails them: their lives, their stresses and needs. The bike atmosphere is fertile ground for unburdening, for there is something about sharing your woes with a man as you hold on his frame and he rides his powerful bike. It is only natural that such closeness will lead to physical needs and who better to fill the need than the guy who rides you everywhere?
Another thing working for the boda boda guys is the state of the economy. Let’s face it; the economy has not been kind to many of us and especially to men. To make matters worse, Noordin and Haji have been making life a bit tough for tenderpreneurs and so money is hard to come by.
Since boda boda guys are providing an essential and affordable service, they are not as broke as the rest of Kenyan males.
Any Kenyan man making above 500 bob daily is a prime target for women. This is because this man can provide a certain class of women with the bare minimum such as airtime, one meal a day and toiletries.
This is a serious value proposition considering there are many men today falling short day in, day out.
It is no wonder that recently over five women were fighting over a boda boda guy upon his death - it was all about the money. Simply put, boda boda guys have cash (never mind the quantity) and cash is always king with women.
The one thing that really helps boda boda guys is that they appear harmless as they navigate nooks and crannies in the line of duty. They usually do not raise alarm bells like say, gym instructors or shamba boys. Their ability to move at all times also means they can be on 24/7 duty to meet the needs of their female passengers. The increased use of boda boda services means there is a huge section of the female population enjoying the whole catalogue of services these guys offer.
I am told that caretakers in the numerous rental properties in Kenya are giving boda boda guys a run for their money.
They too have the same advantages, meeting the woman’s needs and issues, appearing harmless and having a natural swag. So, it is time people give boda boda guys some respect - they are making many women happy in this city. Ride boda boda guys Ride!