Bad boy: Web posts that will cost your marriage

You see a meme on Instagram. You share it to your Facebook audience. It is funny and hilarious and you can’t resist the urge. It is a bit over-the-top and inappropriate for an old married man.  But you think you are safe because Caroline is not active online.

It is a simple meme that suggests that ‘born tao’ women can’t cook brown ugali and neither are they interested and that no man should pay bride price for them. In your post, you simply say that, perhaps “we should have second wives in the village.”

Now, there is this beautiful woman who is annoyingly conscious of her ass(et) and parades it in every picture she posts. She is the first to comment on this beautiful Tuesday.

“I know how to cook, try me,” she suggests.

“No freaking way!” You interject, adding some flirtatious words.

Then she says something insulting about millennial wives and their wanting culinary abilities, claiming that she is a proper ‘wife material’. From her photo, she is a socialite. Since, she is really flirty, you engage her and then transfer the engagement to inbox. But since you are stupid, you write on the wall, “come to the inbox…”

Then you get on with the demanding day ahead.

You check the phone three hours later and there are like ten screen shots of the conversation and a long unnecessary text warning you to stop whoring, with a capitalised GROW UP at the end.

Not sure what rankled her so bad. Is it the flirting, or the friend raising the possibility that she can’t cook brown girl or the fact that she can’t cook brown ugali?

As usual, you don’t know what to tell her. But you are angry at whoever among her friends who follow you that did the unthinkable. You have two suspects who can’t mind their bloody business. You block them pronto.

You hope that by ignoring her, Caroline will take it easy. But it only serves to aggravate her.

“Why are you blue-ticking me?” she texts. You ignore her as you work on a report, but she calls. Ignore. Long-ass message that basically says, acha madharau.

Now, when the wife is wronged, any man thinks twice before going home. So you stay back at the pub to sneak home when she is asleep. But as soon as you sneak into bed, she is on your case.

“Why do flirt openly? Don’t you respect me?”

Silence.

“What were you telling her in the inbox?”

Silence.

She picks up a pillow and hurls it at you. You pick up an extra duvet to move to the couch and she follows you fast, now totally hysterical.

Funny, she has never given in to the ghost of insecurities. What might have ticked her off? Could it be the beautiful girl who moved in next door? Carol recently found you talking to her in a familiar way about her motorbike. She is a professional biker and you loved her monster bike.

“What were you guys talking about?”

“I just admired her bike…” you told her curtly.

“I didn’t know you like bikes,” she reported indignantly.

Could that have ticked her off?

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