I get too wet and my boyfriend can’t feel anything during intercourse. It’s so frustrating! What can we do? Please help.
Thank you for your question. It’s true that while most people complain about not getting “wet enough” for sexual intercourse, some women have the opposite complaint: getting too wet. One thing I would like you to think about is “what counts as too much?” In other words, what is it about your wetness that gives you the indication that it’s too much?
I am posing this question because sometimes I find that we – humans – can be really harsh on ourselves, judging our bodies too harshly even for the things that may be out of our control. May I suggest that you take a kinder, gentler approach to your body regardless of which recommendation(s) you choose to follow? It can only help you and your partner, moving forward.
What can you do?
First things first; make an appointment with a gynaecologist and if you don’t have one, your family doctor will make a recommendation for you. The reason for this is so that they can make sure that there isn’t a medical condition that is causing excessive wetness. Unfortunately, some women’s reproductive system can be sensitive to infections, pH imbalance, STIs and other things that can cause the symptom of excessive vaginal discharge.
Before you visit the doctor, make sure you have paid attention to things such as “does the discharge have an odour, what colour is it, what is its consistency e.g sticky, like mucous, milky, watery...” because it is likely that the doctor will ask these questions. In addition, they need to consider putting you on/off a birth control or other contraceptive measure. If there is a medical concern, they will advise and treat you accordingly.
Assuming that your doctor gives you a clean bill of health, let us talk about other things that you can try.
1. Towel time: Keep a towel nearby to dry off yourself and/or your partner if it becomes too much. Yes, this may not be the most convenient thing to do but think about it this way; you would have to stop to switch positions anyway, right? So why should this small thing be any different?
2. Switch positions: Favour positions that naturally increase friction e.g. positions that require you — the female partner — to keep your legs as close together as possible. Consider also laying on your side as well as rear entry with legs closed, both of which may further benefit you due to
3. Condoms: Yes, even if you prefer not to use them, consider adding them to your sexual repertoire. Speaking of condoms, choose those that do not have lubricant because you don’t need it. I also suggest that you choose those that have been designed to increase friction or higher sensation during intercourse e.g ribbed or textured in other ways. The market is full of so many varieties of condoms; play around with different kinds of them and see which ones work best. Even if you don’t want to use them all the time, you may be pleasantly surprised by the element of intimacy that they allow you both to have.
I must sing my usual song; do not insert anything into your vagina especially before speaking to your doctor. I know that some people believe that certain herbs, stones, powders, leaves and all manner of things can be inserted to dry out your vagina but remember that a healthy vagina is as a result of a gentle balance of good bacteria and bad bacteria. If you throw off the vagina’s optimal pH, you may end up creating the perfect thriving conditions for yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, urinary tract infections (UTIs) and other unpleasant yet avoidable problems (and before you tell me that a UTI is not a vaginal infection, I put it to you that it would be very difficult to enjoy sex while experiencing pain and burning due to a UTI).
In the same breath, and for the same reason, I remind you not to douche or use harsh/perfumed/ ’feminine’ washes; your vagina was designed to clean itself. If you really do need help in this area, then let your doctor make the appropriate recommendation.
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So, Judy, I hope that you have some ideas of things that you can do in order to enjoy sex with your partner without hating your body or being embarrassed by the “excessive wetness”. Lose the frustration and grab on to the possibilities. Here’s to a happy, healthy sex life!
Maggie Gitu holds an MA in Marriage & Family Therapy. She practices as a Marriage, Family & Sex Therapist. Reach her at [email protected] or via her
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