Men Only: 10 questions that that disturb every man comprehensively answered

I want to thank all those readers, like Sam Odeni, who wrote in response to the two pieces over the last fortnight about how the country (and world) will look like in 2063.

They were actually excerpts from my novel ‘2063, Last Mile Bet’ that we will be launching this coming Tuesday, from 6pm, at the Arfa Lounge, 20th Century Plaza, Mama Ngina street, at a book party.

Now on matters, here and now. My jirani on the right, Silas Nyanchwani, asked 10 questions last week – that plague many married/men with serious wives and partners.

1) Why do so many wives and girlfriends snoop on your phone?

This one is easy. If you go to the shower, and upon your return, you find your phone is on WhatsApp when you left it at screensaver, the paranormal activity is from her. And she doesn’t trust you.

2) Why do women run back to their domestic homes, even after being married for a long time?

In her mind, she is always a little girl – and home is where the hut (or flat) she grew up in is. Also, she goes home to gather the gang (your in-laws) against you.

3)  Why are women cagey about finances?

In other words, you should spend all your nuts on her/the family, while she squirrels her money away into chamas (and hair) and savings, in an ideal situation, that will be kept secret (in a vault/cage).

4)  Why do they spend about 30 per cent of their money on makeup, hair and attire?

Most men spend about 30 per cent of their income on rent.

But if a woman earns, say Sh50,000 monthly, five can go to cosmetics and scents, five to clothes, and five to hair. Why? Search me. I guess to look/feel good about their appearance?

5)  Why are married women easily misled by even single friends, many of them their college gang?

In college, they did lots of stuff together, and your woman may still think she owes loyalty to this pack. It may also be a sad case of the habit of seeking their approval, especially if she was in the lower pecking order of their social gang.

6)  What is a lady with a steady man doing at a club at 10pm by herself?

If you are really unlucky, she is still on the prowl for guys. But most probably, you are with a younger party lady, who has not gotten into her head that ‘hitched’ chicks get home by sunset.

7) Why do women try to ‘Keep Up with the Kamaus,’ oblivious to family rhythm?

Never buy the lie that women are not competitive. They are, and sometimes in petty ways. So if you live among those cauldrons of neighbours who keep changing cars and couches, move out.

8)  Why does your woman in the corporate sector seem awed and admiring of the boss?

Silas should know women are naturally attracted to men of high/er stature in society. So be the boss in the house, and you should have no problems outside. If you seem weak, or meek, or worse — like she supports you with money made from the boss, trouble beckons.

9) Why do married women embrace preacher’s lies, to the extent of calling them ‘Dad’?

There are people out there, the majority female, who need to feel that Big Daddy in the Sky has an Eye out for them.

Sadly, many imagine that cologne-reeking charlatan in a satin suit, silky serpentine voice, sharp shoes and box haircut, is His man on Earth.

10)   Why do some women dress bad for the husband, but spruce up to go out?

Amekuzoea! And does not see the need to put in extra effort to look hot in the house. Besides, why should she, when you slither around the same house in mismatched sandals, tattered shorts and your faded ‘Obama: Yes We Can’ T-shirt from the year 2008?

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