You want peace? Sit on him! Kenyan men need 24 hour supervision

Men, you had your chance, and you blew it. Being given a penis comes with great responsibility but what you have proven time and time again, is that you cannot be trusted to behave yourselves after dark.

That makes a curfew necessary for all the men who have proven that freedom given has become too much. Men remember the days when you were a kid and had to be in before dark and in bed by 9pm? Well you’re a grown up and that is not about to change any time soon.

Over time I have realised Kenyan men need to be under 24 hour supervision and not because they are toddlers and are vulnerable to perverts, but because them themselves are the perverts and we need to tame that wondering eye to ensure that we still have a man to procreate with come tomorrow.

It goes without saying that no one above the age of 18 should have to ask anyone for permission to do anything but desperate times calls for desperate measures. Gone are the days when our men have a boys day out with Johnnie and Mose who actually happen to be the players of Nairobi, and in comes the day of family dinners and movie nights.

What your man needs to understand is that he did not replace his mother who used to wait up for him with another woman who will wait up for him. The difference between the mother and your girlfriend is that she has her man curled in bed with her while your girlfriend is curled up with a pillow watching an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. And if I remember correctly nowhere in the vows taken did it say that one should wait up for the other.

If your man leaves work at 5pm, give him an allowance of two hours to get home. So that means that he needs to be home give or take 7pm. It he surpasses that change the locks then we will have an episode of ‘Who is knocking on my door?’

Peace thrives in a household if the man is put in check, trust me. And if that man gets a curfew, that will be one hell of a peaceful homestead.

Now some would argue that even the “send me a text to tell me when you’ll be home” is keeping tabs on your guy. “Gotta let the misses know when I will be home,” sort of thing. But I disagree.

With late nights and alcohol, anything can happen. King hits. Coward punches. Falling asleep on a train and not waking up until whoop whoop. The thing that keeps women up when their man isn’t home is worry that he’s safe more than anything else. And most of my colleagues agree.

After all, if I was out and planned to be home even later than I thought, I would have no problem letting my husband know I would be home late. I just think it’s respectful. Not him being paranoid and controlling. But Kenyan men don’t understand that aspect, they feel like entitled toddlers that have a right to come home at the time they please.

Can’t you guys just grow up?