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10 jobs that will make you fat

Living

Our bodies need regular exercise to keep fit. However, most of us are not able to exercise as required since our jobs take up most of the time and by the end of the day we are too tired.

There are occupations in which one gets in thin like sugarcane, but in the fullness of time, starts bulging. These jobs require less exercise, but come with a lot of eating, which coupled with low stress levels, contribute to weight gain akin to a woman in her third trimester!

1.Chalk talk

Teaching entails less exercise as the biology teacher only has four lessons the whole day, each lasting 45 minutes. The rest of the day is spent drinking tea from the blue Thermos in the staffroom, where teachers indulge in reading everything in the day’s newspapers, especially the obituaries.

2. Traffic cops

All they do the whole day is lift one left arm to stop a prospective bribe giver. It takes less than three months between the time a kurutu leaves Kiganjo Police Training College and when a potbelly is spotted by the roadside near a thicket where they hide with speed guns. 

3. Mama Mboga

Most Mama Mbogas sell fruits,vegetables, warus and other stuff the doctor ordered. The beauty of kazi ya Mama Mboga is that her work is also her lunch! And their bodies are proof that biting into fruits when customers thin out can ensure proper absorption and gaining weight faster than a politician denies involvement in corruption.

4. Civil servants

I am yet to encounter a slender public servant, just like it’s hard to meet a fat hawker or newspaper vendor. Their little work is stress free  as in most cases, all they do is leave their jackets in the office for the 10 o’clock nyama choma. Female civil servants carry a mini-hotel in their handbags as they wait for few clients.

5. Politicians

Politics are fat cats who earn top-dollar for making noise in the National Assembly, the Senate and County Assembly, where a steady flow of pesa za umma ensures they’re rewarded with potbellies. Little wonder they’re called M-Pigs!

6. Food kiosk cooks and owners

Four in every five women who cook in kibandas are overweight from the constant supply of carbohydrates, proteins and vitamins all day long.

7. Bouncers

One needs to be tall, well-built, strong, dark-skinned (light skinned men are not eligible) and mean-looking to be a bouncer. This Goliath-like appearance scares thin troublemakers. To maintain this physique, bouncers frequent the gym (and kitchen) with the same frequency politicians attend funerals.

8.Cobbler

Apart from cobblers who walk in estates looking for customers, many sit at shop verandahs. They repair shoes leisurely as they gaze into space in between ordering for  uji wa wimbi with five folded chapatis. They rarely  exercise and thus bulge like the earth at the equator.

9. The butcher

Butchers have a body that’s directly proportional to the amount of meat they sell. Many can be described as watu wa miraba minne from drinking boiled bone soup daily, kuonja onja nyama ya wateja besides inhaling the aroma of nyama choma from the wire mesh grill.

10. The landlord

The monthly rent collected from tenants helps many a landlord in ‘building’ their bodies horizontally. Most landlords have potbellies from eating ka-fry while being driven around hiking rent at the drop of a hat!

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