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I recently visited a relative who has a 10-year-old daughter and what I saw made me grateful for how my mother raised me.
I just can’t understand how a 10-year-old girl has to call ‘auntie’ to fetch her bathing water, help her find something to wear, flush the toilet after she does her thing, and then her mother will seat there and be like, “Wachana na hizo vyombo, enda kafanye homework.”
This is why we have women who at 25 have master’s degrees, but cannot even wipe themselves clean after using the toilet! A master’s degree ain’t gonna put warm food on your man’s table darling, blame yo’ mama for failing to raise you right.
As much as it may be the responsibility of both parents to bring up children right, the burden of that responsibility lies with mothers. My heart bleeds when I see women dress their adolescent daughters in skimpy outfits, complete with makeup and then parade their photos for likes and comments on social media. What does a 13 or 15-year-old need make up for? Are you teaching her that she is not beautiful enough in her own natural skin at that tender age? Besides, when you are 35 or 40 years old and still dress like a slut, what are you teaching your daughters?
The reason these digital chicks cannot cook is because their mothers did not teach them how to. Probably, the mother did not know how to cook either and so this failure is passed down from one generation to the next. I fear that two decades from now, our women will not even know how to boil water!
In my mama’s house, there was nothing like a domestic worker. We woke up early and washed the utensils before going to school. She taught us responsibility and drummed in us the need to use our common sense. “Do not wait to be told to do everything, use your head and do what is right and needs to be done,” she would admonish. As such, we did not need to be told to get our tiny behinds out of the house when she was having girl talk with her friends, or get off the seat when a visitor came to the house. We did not have to be reminded to greet visitors, neither could we make inappropriate remarks in front of grownups.
But today, you will be shocked at the temerity of the brats we are raising. The little rascals will be rolling their dirty backsides in chairs with total control of TV sets that would be beaming embarrassing 18-years-and-above programmes. They hoard remote controls like their lives depend on the damned gadgets. They would not give you cursory glance even after the mum pleads, “Daddy, si usalimie mgeni?”
I once heard a woman tell her child in a matatu not to get up for a pregnant woman because “nimemlipia.” My heart sunk. What is Sh30 from Kawangware to town compared to the values she would have instilled in that kid had she told him to stand so that the pregnant woman may seat!
Another poor aspect of upbringing women are culprits of is turning children against their fathers. Madam, we do not care how low you think of your husband, but that man impregnated you and we assume it was with your consent. At least respect that and his role as the father of your children. When you ask your kids, “Huyo MTU amerudi kutoka kazini?” then you are teaching them to see their father as nothing more than huyo mtu.
Yes, he could be cheating on you, but why rope in the children and tell them, “Baba yenu ni malaya, hata fee hawezi kuwalipia juu kazi yake ni umalaya na pombe.”
Let them see for themselves, but protect them from seeing the bad side and always put in a good word about their dad, just so that they do not attract a curse for disrespecting them.
In estates, some mothers, on receiving reports that their children are bullies or toy thieves, would stand in the middle of the plot, arms akimbo, and start quarrelling: “Leave my child alone, don’t you have the necessary body parts you can use to get children of your own?! I dare you to touch my baby. I will beat you up, including your mother!” Then decades later, the son you taught that fighting is cool gets stabbed to death during a bar brawl.
Discipline is paramount. Instill values in your children and you will be proud of the citizens they turn out to be. Mothers, the daughters you have raised and continue to raise are a letdown to womanhood. Guess what? It is your fault! It is your fault you never taught them how to cook because the maid was there, it is your fault you smiled and encouraged them when they dressed like sex workers, it is your fault they think men are dogs because you called their fathers ‘yule mtu,’ it is your fault they stick with abusive men because you never taught them to love themselves more.