How to marry a Kenyan man

In general, there is the foregone conclusion of a set pattern when it comes to marriage worldwide. In Kenya, it follows a different but predictable pattern. This is a play on how to win the heart of a man here — with a disclaimer of course. Make your own judgement.

It is quite simple really. Move in with the guy. So far, nothing too far-fetched. It starts with randomly leaving personal clothing items during each visit to the man’s house until the woman ends up there forever; from one night, to a weekend to permanence.

It starts with a day’s visit and if she is still there one month later and things like curtains, pillows and meals get makeovers then gentlemen, congratulations, you are now married. The ceremony will be a mere formality.

And here I was thinking men were a mite sharper than this!

There are so many marriages made from this arrangement (than the standard regular dating) that if I were to count, I would run out of fingers. Is it that simple? 

Time will tell

Plenty of other scenarios involve church weddings but with the full knowledge of an existing child. So when did churches start condoning sex before marriage or are all these borrowed concepts manipulated to our own advantage or conscience?

This is not a question of stability or instability but of how predictable these unions have become. The girl often moves in with the man, not so much the other way round, and rarely do they plan to unite with each coming from their own corners. Countless home-cooked soups and ironed shirts later, a man reads that as proof of validity.

So the ones waiting on the played-out path to marital bliss have to know they might wait a long while. If you want it quicker, it might necessitate you to get uncomfortable and move your toothbrush into your significant other’s personal space. Come on.

Recently, in a call-in show, one would-be husband had to pull himself out of a sticky one because he said his marriage started out as such.

While it might be all fine and great for persons who have no problem moving in, it is an entirely different gamble for the ‘difficult’ ones who want much more.

The whole controversy of men contesting the inclusion of come-we-stay unions as legitimate in the Marriage Bill is a misrepresentation.

In the real sense, it is a permanent union if history is to be followed. If not immediately, then definitely in the future. It is a question of time.

So, calm down and do not protest too much, for I did not make this up. I call the game as I see it. If you are the sort of woman who will not move in with a man, you will marry in your 30s if ever and if you have no qualms about moving in, you can do it in your 20s or as soon as your toothbrush moves in. Statistically, it is not just circumstantial.