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When WhatsApp threatens to kill your marriage

My Man By Silas Nyanchwani
Photo: Courtesy

You know there is a man your wife chats with. You are afraid of asking for fear of being labeled insecure. She knows there is this girl you flirt with. So far, there is nothing incriminating, but she can bet on her instincts.

Both of you chat on your phones at night, sleeping at funny angles so that neither of you sees the other’s screen. She has this funny font that you can’t decipher. It sucks, but you don’t know how to talk about it. One of you is cheating. Or both of you are cheating, and sooner, the truth will come out.

Last time she asked you about the woman, you overreacted, and regretted immediately. Then, in an act of imbecility, you said, nobody should touch the other’s phone.

Now you have to live with the stupid rule. She uses it to the maximum, sometimes to hurt you. Women can be spiteful,  and petty when exacting revenge.

“Who is he?” you ask, your eyes red, with rage. “What?” she asks, obviously feigning ignorance.

“The guy you are always chatting with, whose jokes you always giggling at...,” you realise, you are getting worked up unnecessarily.

“He is a just a colleague,” she mumbles. That word ‘just’. It has been used to belittle arguments, quite irritatingly.

“Just a colleague, but you chatting him, like every minute...what gives?”

“I’m in no mood for your arguments...,” she says as she shoves you away and disappears in the bedroom. She makes it feel like you argue.

You are mad, you follow her. “What is wrong with you?”

“You can have my phone and read all my messages if you want,” she snaps.

You want to take the phone. But that is a trap and will exemplify utmost insecurity and fill your marriage with trust issues. If they are just harmless chats, baseless gossip stuff, she will never respect you. If you are right, your marriage is headed for a rough patch.

Now what! You click, and walk out of the house to go calm your nerves with something stiff.

Women are treacherous. They can easily make you feel guilty for their mistakes.

How do you go about asking if your wife is cheating on you, without feeling like you are a jealous prick? An irredeemably insecure man...

Realising the fermenting nuclear reaction in you, she comes back, now in a quarrelsome stance: “You also chat with that woman, but I have never asked you...” she starts in an argumentative tone.

Decency demands you cannot ask her “what woman?” “So, if I chat with a woman, it makes it right for you to flirt with other men...”

“I am not flirting with anyone. Have my phone, and let me see yours, now...”

Now, that is what you call treading on dangerous grounds. You have lots of inappropriate photos. Mostly from your male friends. And of course, you have not deleted the last chats from this woman you flirt with. You always delete the chats every few hours.

“That is a bit petulant...” You tell her, trying to make her feel guilty, but she just clicks and goes away. You wonder why you even brought that up.

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