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My husband and I have been together for eight years and I would have said we have a good relationship. We rarely ever have rows and it’s fair to say that we’re best friends.
But a couple of weeks ago, totally out of the blue, he suggested that we try living apart a few days a week.
His idea is that it would put some “excitement” back into our marriage. I never realised our relationship lacked excitement and that he was unhappy. It left me reeling.
He suggested we could rent a flat and keeps saying it’ll feel like we’re dating again and that it’ll be fun – he was really upbeat about it, but I just felt rejected and cried myself to sleep.
What worries me is that he actually wants to leave me, but can’t bring himself to cut the cord.
Maybe he’s hoping that this arrangement will put some distance between us so we’ll naturally drift apart – a slow death for our marriage, rather than a sudden one.
I feel so terribly hurt because it’s not what I want. What should I do?
Yes, you could think this is a coward’s way out. He’s saying, “I’m not sure about our marriage, but would rather not have the hassle of dealing with it, so I’ll just let it fizzle out.”
The fact remains, he’s obviously feeling unfulfilled and unhappy and you have to acknowledge those emotions. Maybe he is feeling just bit trapped and bored, and genuinely wants to put some romance and fun back into your relationship.
Why not tell him your fears and ask him to be really honest about how he sees this panning out.
If he does want to save your marriage, then you both have to put some work into it. Talk about what’s not as good as it could be and work on it.
However, if you agree to this new arrangement, you have to make it very clear that it’s not an excuse for him to start behaving like a single man again.
You’ll only go along with it if he’s genuinely committed to making your marriage better.