10 Signs you have overstayed in Nairobi

There are people who have lived in Nairobi almost all their adult life. They came to search for the Kenyan dream that resides permanently in Nairobi. These are the people who despite the inconveniences of Nairobi such as traffic jam and the rains that bring everything to a standstill cannot go anywhere.

You can tell them. They know the entire city like the back of their hands. They know the origin of certain estate names such as Kawangware, Kariokor or Dagoretti. They have seen the city grow and expand in leaps and bounds. They remember the red telephone boots.

How do you know that you have lived in Nairobi?

1. If you witnessed the real Saba Saba riots

Now that was the real deal. It will never be matched. Back then, opposition was a bastion of great intellects, sharp legal minds, out to give Kenya the second liberation. If you were around that time, maybe you should try life in the countryside.

2. If you voted in the first Multi-Party election

That was back in 1992. You must have been an adult. And now you are 22 years older. Come on, if you still grinding around, you are the grandparent of the city.

3. You know what cinema is?

Back in time, there used to be a section in the newspaper that advertised what was being shown in Nairobi's cinemas. Notably, Kenya Cinema, Nairobi Cinema, Odeon, 20th Century and Fox-Drive-In along Thika Road. If you ever experienced a James Bond there, you have overstayed your stay in Nairobi.

4. You rode in the Kenyan Bus, Nyayo Bus and Stage Coach

Back then, there was sanity in the city's public transport before it was fully liberalized. Buses were long and individuals were allowed to stand in the aisle as they held on to the overboard rail. This actually invented the elitist word for matatus 'Jav' since the aspect of holding onto the rails was considered a javelin exercise.

5. You know what a megarider is. You are too old in the city.

They introduced the BebaPay, but before that we had the megarider. You could board a Stage Coach bus anywhere and alight anywhere. It used to be the best way for those coming from shags to tour around the city at a lesser cost.

6. If you were ever ordered to sit down by the police once arrested

Back then, it was university students, not hawkers who gave police running battles. There has been an improvement. Students riots have become a few and far between compared the heady years of the 1980s and 1990s. Once cornered by the police, they ordered you to sit down as they determined your fate or as you haggled for the amount of bribe to pay them.

7. Attended Computer colleges and opened a Yahoomail as your first e-mail

Computers were a welcome technological intervention. Individuals had to attend a computer college in to learn basic skills such as how to open a Microsoft Word Document or a Spreadsheet. You had to be taught how to save a file in the computer and such rudimentary things that kids now take for granted. Individuals who knew how to operate a computer in the late 1990s were prized assets to organizations.

8. You have refused to buy into the Java and KFC vibe

Some folks are so conservative in their Nairobiness that they cannot touch anything foreign. They still have their tea at Tea Room along Accra Road, or the numerous the old hotels along Tom Mboya Street.

9. If your children don't speak your mother tongue

And sadly, you pride yourself in the fact. There are many adults in Nairobi who can hardly string a  sentence in their mother tongue. If your teenage children cannot talk to their grandparents, maybe you should just retire to the countryside.

10. You have trust issues

One universal character for those who stayed in Nairobi for long is that they don't and cannot trust anyone or anything. Or an idea, however noble it may sound. They have been cheated by politicians and cons to take anyone seriously