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Not all absentee dads are guilty as charged

My Man
 Photo; Courtesy

Cases of children being raised in the absence of their biological fathers have increasingly become common in Kenya. It’s more annoying when the man in question happens to be well off, but has deliberately abdicated or denied responsibility.

I say annoying because the importance of the father figure component in upbringing a child can’t be gainsaid. It was this sad state of affairs that lead to mudslinging and shaming orgies of deadbeat fathers on Facebook.

For the record, I always have a soft spot for single mothers because I know too well what they go through. I know they are great women because, besides having many of them as my personal friends, I have happily dated some. And boy, if some of their stories are anything to go by, then, some men are beasts.

But today, I have beef with a small fraction of single mothers. Ever noticed that when discussing these women, we always portray them as innocent angels and demonize their ex partners, blaming almost all their woes on them?

Contrary to popular belief, some of the single mothers are to blame for their circumstances. Look, buying into the often-peddled ‘he-impregnated-her-and-vanished’ narrative that portrays all single mums as victims of rogue ex partners is so easy.

Until you meet a bitter and self-righteous single mum, masquerading as an angel who just won’t stop whining and blaming all her predicaments on her ex. It takes tremendous willpower to suppress yawns when listening to such type.

It’s irritating how the role of single mothers in necessitating the absence of fathers seems like a taboo topic that nobody discusses.

It’s crazy how any man who rightfully points an accusing finger at this brand of single mothers, whilst portraying the so-called deadbeat fathers as victims gets labelled chauvinist.

The truth, though painful, is that some of the single mums you see around failed to measure up when their ex partners examined them in a cost-benefit marriage analysis. Put differently, their ex-lovers saw no wife material qualities in them.

We also have another bunch comprising those who stuck in dead relationships and tried to jolt their ex-boyfriends into marrying them by getting pregnant, without mutual consent.

Others are aggressive and manipulative schemers who unsuccessfully tried to trap their rich boyfriend with pregnancies, only for things to backfire on them.

Meanwhile, some are spoilt brats with prima donna tendencies who have been misled by feminists and bought into the equality madness. This has turned them into grumpy, quarrelsome and irritable strong heads who just can’t keep a man.

So much that even when they clearly have a ‘lower hand’ in a relationship, they still want everything done on their terms. What cheek!

Actually, some of the so-called deadbeat fathers are nice guys who genuinely love their children. And most are willing to actively participate in raising them. What, however, stops them is the manipulative and bitter mothers who keep throwing all kinds of spanners in the works, in their desperate attempts to settle old scores.

The untold suffering of some of these kids is never intentional, they only become victims as collateral damage in never-ending wrangles between parents. So as you rave and rant about absentee fathers, be advised not all are guilty as charged.

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