Evewoman : I dumped my husband, now I want him back

Marriage Advice

I dumped my husband, now I want him back

Photo; Courtesy


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In 2011 while in Eldoret, I fell in love with a KDF soldier and we have a baby girl together. He was married but I agreed to become his second wife. He was transferred to Mombasa in 2012 and I sold everything including my salon business and followed him to Mombasa where he opened a salon for me. I was frustrated that all this time he never introduced me to his family so I took everything and moved to another man. I don't know why I did this to him because I have also cheated on him severally when he was away on missions. I want to change and be faithful to one man. I want to go back to him but I don't know how he will take this after all he has done for me. I know he really loves me but I don't think he is serious enough about me. Please advise. {Caroline}


Your Take:

 It’s obvious you are unwise and immoral. You are a shame to womanhood. Most women yearn to be a settled wife and mother of their children and yet you have misused that opportunity and wasted your life. It only comes once!

{Cynthia Umazi}

The father of your daughter is not serious because he could have introduced you to his family by now. It is too long a time to have a child with a woman and not introduce her to ones family members and friends.

{Dorcah Buyaki}

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This must be a difficult ordeal for you and I understand what you are going through. Go to him and tell him the truth and this will set you free. If he takes you back, hold on to him and never let him down again.

{Eliza Muiruri}

There are things that cannot be reversed. You cannot live again once you are dead. A baby cannot go back into the womb of his mother once he is born. So the chance you had is gone and you cannot change that. Find another man to marry you.

{Msingida Mnyampaa}

Your decision today affects the outcome of your life tomorrow. That is someone’s husband. Move on and shame on you.

{Dorcas Mutungi}

You have done it to yourself. You don’t deserve to be someone’s wife.

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{NJ Mbui}

‘Utamu wa leo, uchungu wa kesho’. You may have felt on top of the world when you made your decision to leave him but now you are paying for it.

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{Karl Marsh}


Counselor’s Take:

There are many questions that need answers in this situation. Why did you cheat on him severally while he was away? Did the other man you went to introduce you to his family? Do you really love this man as much as he loves you?

Apart from not introducing you to his family, are there other things that make you believe he is not serious enough about you? Does he know that you cheated on him severally and that you left him for another man?

Does he know you want to go back to him and what does he think of this? Does your daughter know her grandparents (especially from his side)?

My view is that he has done a few things to illustrate his seriousness with your relationship; you are the one who has some unresolved issues. You may have allowed a spirit of adultery to flourish inside of you to the point that you cannot remain true and faithful to one man.

This is a bad spirit Carol and it will eventually catch up with you. Sooner or later, men get to know what is going on and when they realize that you got down for just about anybody who comes your way, they abandon you like trash regardless of how many children you will have with them.

There are many risks out there especially for people who have multiple sexual partners like yourself. You may not get caught for a while but even if you don't (for now), you may not be very lucky to avoid other even more dangerous situations such as STIs the biggest of which is HIV. With your habits you are actually putting yourself in the "high-risk" category and this is not good for the times that we are living in.

How can you change and remain faithful to one man? It all starts with your mind where you make a conscious and deliberate decision to be faithful to one man. You also need to develop some degree of respect for yourself and your body and guard that with your life.

People who are adulterous will tell you how empty it feels when it is all said and done. There is nothing good that can come out of an adulterous woman but there are many good things that come with a woman who respects herself and her body.

Lastly, if he agrees for you to move back in with him, take that chance to make him as happy as he can be. However, do appreciate that it may not be as easy for him being that he already has another wife. However, this should not be an excuse for him to keep you as a glorified mistress forever. With time he should move toward introducing you to his family more so being that you have a child with him. {Taurus}



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