4 Things I'll remember Mama Lucy for

As she was being buried, we were attending a wedding at the Nairobi National Park of my friend Joe Kamau and his long-term sweetheart.

That is the way of life – we are born, laugh, love, get married, get kids, then, one day, die.

In the meantime, here are a few ‘lessons’ that I picked up from the colorful ‘Karoosay,’ as she was affectionately nicknamed.

Never underestimate the fight in a small woman, men.

In my past life, I have dated either the petite types or the really tall ladies, and here is a conclusion I arrived at. While the tall lasses are generally temperamentally contained, calm and cool, the short hot ones have huge tempers.

It is like those long dogs, Dobermans, whose bite can be deadly, but attack with stealth.

Small women are more like Chihuahuas, with lots of bark and a bit of nip when unhappy.

This tip for women, keep an eye for that ‘good friend’ of yours who may have the hot eye for your cool guy. Many men are weak when confronted with temptation, including dangerous ones like your friends.

You keep praising your chap to her, or she sees how progressive he is, and soon she wants a taste, a bite, a chunk or even the whole of your pie to herself. Go figure.

Men, another lesson I gathered is that you must shield your old friends and buddies from your woman. I know this guy, let’s call him Don, who always trash-talked his pals to the wife. “I am broke because I lent Hillary money and he is yet to pay it back.”

Then Don’s wife and Hillary meet at a wedding one Saturday afternoon, and during the evening reception, after Mrs. Don has downed a few wines, she confronts Hillary over her hubby’s money, and he goes, looking perplexed, “What money?”

Women want their correct title given to them in public by their men.

If you introduce your girlfriend as a ‘good friend,’ later she will say: “Oh. So now you have ‘friend zoned’ me. Okay, let’s be friends.” Ditto if you introduce your fiancée as ‘girlfriend,’ or wife as ‘life partner.’

“What are we, associates in a pension firm?” she’ll retort.

Except, she won’t! Women’s sense of humor does not extend to their titles. They take these titles very seriously. Just go with ‘better half’ to be safe, and see her smile. Because, in the cockles of their hearts, all women think they are better than us, or at best, that we would be far worse off without their guiding wisdom.

Am I lying, Beryl Itindi?

Lastly, let us talk a little bit about Nyeri.

In the ten years that Mama Lucy was First Lady, the Nyeri region came to the forefront as one place where women do not take none sense from their men. ‘Nyerified’ became a verb, as in, ‘after coming home drunk at 3am, he was ‘Nyerified’ by his wife’ (where ‘Nyerified’ ranges from being beaten to knifed).

Certainly, she struck a blow – or at the very least a slap – for feminism.