I'm in love with two women, want to marry both

I am in a steady relationship and we are expecting our first child in five months. My fiancée’s parents are putting pressure on us to formalize our relationship. However, I have a son with this other lady that I really love. We have had a relationship for more than five years now. I love both ladies and want to marry them both but I don’t know what the law says about marring two women at the same time. I have to act soon especially because of the pressure from my fiancés parents who are demanding for a church wedding. Please advice on what I can do to marry both women. I don’t want to lose any – or rather, none of them will allow me to proceed with the other. {Moffat}

Your Take:

Life is a matter of choice. You got into another relationship despite the fact that you were in a long term relationship. Really think this over before you act. Bear in mind that not all relationships end in marriage.

Tell all these parties that you need some time. Do not marry out of pressure. Think twice before you are completely consumed in this.

{Ouma Ragumo}

You are chasing two birds with one stone and they are in different trees at different times. You are too young to think of marrying two women so choose one. Confirm that the unborn child is indeed yours.

Take your time before you act on your presumed decision and consult with elders on the pros and cons of sustaining two women. Bear in mind that we are living in harsh economic times so think twice before deciding on your future.

{Onyango Outha}

How will you walk two paths at the same time? Choose the woman you want to settle down with or ask them if they are willing to share a husband. Remember this is marriage you are talking about. Share with them that you have this other woman and wait to see who stays by your side.

{Tasma Charles}

In this situation, you have to be very wise and honest with all parties and let them know the truth. This should include both sets of parents and they may provide some solutions to your problem. Marriage is a lifetime commitment not a laughing matter.

{Fred Jausenge}

Moffat, it is always imperative to know and appreciate that a relationship is a two-way affair. Factoring your partner’s take and feelings is inevitable in any relationship. It is your right to love, but ladies have the same right too. Tell both women the truth and consult widely to understand if they are both willing to marry one man. In future, avoid being absolute in anything which doesn’t concern you alone. Accept that the ladies can choose to leave you or stay.

{Kunyia Nyakach}

Counselor’s Take:

Moffat, we now have the Marriage Act of 2014, which brought together the formerly scattered Acts that governed the institutions of marriage in Kenya. So you want to know what the new marriage laws provides for?

On the legal side, yes indeed the Marriage Act recognizes several categories of marriages in Kenya and polygamy has now been formally recognised and provided for within the legal framework. However, in your explanation you say you are under pressure to marry your current fiancée through a church wedding and maintain your long-term girlfriend as your second wife.

 This will not be acceptable under the current law. Christian, Hindu and Civil marriages are deemed to be precisely monogamous in nature while Islamic and Customary marriages are presumed to be potentially polygamous. As per the law a monogamous marriage cannot be converted into a polygamous marriage but a polygamous marriage can be converted into a monogamous marriage.

What this means is that the only way you will get to keep both women is by forgetting about the church wedding and marrying both women under the customary set-up. Customary marriages are as good as any other marriages.

The registrar of marriages is now issuing certificates for such marriages as well so both will be legitimate. With the new law it is an offence to procure another marriage while within a monogamous setting. It is either customary or you will only be allowed to formally marry one of the women.

On the social aspect, you have responsibilities to the other woman (your long-term fiancée) being that you have fathered a child with her and that you may have been maintaining her in several ways. This may have to continue otherwise you may be sued for child support and maintenance.

Finally, if you settle for a customary marriage with your fiancée, you may need to be alive to the fact that they may not necessarily agree to this which could cause for friction.

 This will definitely be a long shot and you ought to critically think about it because once you share this, the reactions from her parents (who are already pushing for a church wedding) may be undesirable and have long term effects even on your marriage. {Taurus}