My mother-in-law makes my life miserable

I have been married for six years and over this time we have never gotten along with my mother-in-law. She just makes my life difficult.

Last year, she made sure that our church wedding failed after intensive planning. She always sides with her son whenever we have issues and encourages my husband to get another wife since I cannot give him another child. I think she knows why I haven’t given birth for four years.

When we have a fight, she takes my son to her place and tells him not to worry as she can take care of him much better than I. I have tried talking to my husband about it but he says that if I cannot love his mother then I am also not in love with him. I don’t know what to do about this marriage, I feel so lonely and helpless. Please advise me.

{Millie}}

Now that you have Mama’s boy for a husband, you may be in for a rough ride. In such situations you either shut up or pack up. If you allow this to stress you, you will even get medical conditions such as high blood pressure and diabetes.

He seems to want another wife which is why his mother advocates for this but you should defend your territory and your space.

{Tasma Charles}

This war between mothers and daughters-in-law has been there for ages and is not about to end. It becomes difficult especially when the man seems to only consider his mother’s advice ignoring your feelings in everything.

Remember that even though it is his duty to protect you, she is still his mother. Keep it cool and remain calm for he is in charge but avoid direct confrontation with your mother-in-law.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Putting undue pressure on him will not work in this situation. People and situations do change and this may not last forever but it is not realistic to expect these problems to disappear all of a sudden. Be polite and do not try to win any one of them over.

Sometimes the best way to cope with toxic in-laws is to leave them alone. Confront your hubby and tell him exactly how you feel. Also take time to ask him what the problem is in a gentle and open minded way. From this, you can decide whether you want to stay in the marriage or leave.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

Madam, blood is thicker than water. It is very difficult to separate a man or woman from his biological parent. So do as your mother-in-law demands and respect her wishes as if she was your mother. You have not told us the reason your wedding was stopped. Go by the wish of your mother-in-law or let him talk to her and explain how you feel.

{Onyango Outha} 

Millie, there comes a time when one has to claim and take their position in this life. If you don’t, people take advantage and push you around.

Without a firm statement on where you stand, you cannot be authoritative about anything and you will always be at the mercy of everyone. In this instance, you ought to take your rightful place as his wife and mother to your child.

Taking your rightful position means taking control of your home and this includes of your husband and son. It seems she has too much influence on him which is normal but this has to be put in check.

The reason she has such influence is you have allowed and given her too much leverage. It is not acceptable for your mother-in-law to come and take your child away from you without your consent but she does; it is also not clear how she managed to spoil the church wedding you were planning for; and it is also strange that she is feeding your child with so much negative talk and that this goes unchecked. If she is continually feeding your son with negative talk, then she ought not to be allowed any time with the boy without your supervision.

Further, I can tell you with certainty that there is no law that requires you to love your mother-in-law for any reason. If anything, mothers-in-law rarely get along with their daughters-in-law but they learn to co-exist through mutual respect. You should also discuss the child-bearing issue with your husband and take time to find out why the two of you are not able to conceive a child.

This is because the problem could be with either of you and so the blame should not be placed entirely on one person without a clear understanding as to why this is not coming through.

It should be your husband’s decision to marry or not to marry another wife. If anything, the next time she suggests this, do not fight it. As a matter of fact, you ought to side with her and appear to be ready for it. She only makes such statements because she knows that they will offend you. The time they will seem to have no effect on you, she will not have any reason to carry on with such absurd proposals. She only finds pleasure in making your life miserable because she feels that you took her place.

{Taurus}