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I feel guilty about my affair, should I tell my husband everything?

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Dear Coleen

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I’ve been with my husband 18 years and we have three children.

We had them all close together and, when they were very young, I struggled a lot.

My husband worked long hours and his job involved lots of travel, so I was home alone a lot with three young children and there were days when I just wanted to run away.

When my youngest started school I joined a gym and lost a lot of weight and found a local job that fitted in around the school run.

I met a man there who was recently divorced and, to cut a long story short, we had an affair.

It only lasted about six weeks but it was a brilliant six weeks.

He made me feel so attractive and happy, but I quickly realised I didn’t want to throw away my marriage so I ended it.

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He moved away shortly afterwards and I never told anybody what happened. Now my husband and I have a lovely marriage. The kids are older and life is great again.

But sometimes I’m overwhelmed by guilt and feel like telling my husband about my affair.

Would that be a mistake?

Coleen says

Yes, it would in my opinion.

All you’re doing is relieving your guilt, but it could blow your now incredibly happy marriage and life out of the water.

No matter how happy you are now, your husband is not going to tell you it’s OK.

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Normally I’m all for honesty in a relationship, but in this instance I can see it happened for a reason.

And it made you realise how worthwhile your family life was.

You did the right thing by ending it, and it sounds like it taught you to appreciate what you have.

Yes, it’s a terrible thing to live with guilt, but maybe that’s your punishment. You sound happy now and your husband sounds amazing.

If it was me and I’d gone so many years down the line I’d be furious if my husband told me something like this.

Don’t tell him to make yourself feel better – because, believe me, your confession will end up making everybody feel worse.

 

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