Overcome the fear of commitment

Fear is the emotional reaction to a threat, it is a reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus ending with the release of chemicals that cause physiological reactions; fast heart rate, heavy breathing and energised muscles, among other reactions.

It causes one to respond in a fight or flight scenario. Although fear is connected to anxiety and other emotional conditions like panic and paranoia, it is a separate stand-alone emotion. The degrees of fear vary from mild to paranoia.

Several psychologists are of the view that fear is experienced as a result of training, teaching and exposure. People who experience fear of intimacy, phobia or anxiety generally have a serious problem in maintaining relationships.

They may enjoy being in the relationship but become fearful and experience intense emotional trauma resulting to dysfunctional relationships which build up to unmanageable levels. They are afraid to make any commitments and easily choose to walk away when the relationship seems to become serious. The reasons for this, range from personal experiences in adulthood and childhood where trust was violated.

Many women often ask the question; why do men fear intimacy and committing to relationships? Why do they date for so long and refuse to legalise the relationship? Why do they find it difficult to express love, pain and fear? It is interesting to note that a research done on this subject.

Thelen et al., 2000 suggest that men scored higher on a fear-of-intimacy scale than women. Both men and women are known to suffer from relationship anxiety and fear of commitment although more men are known to do so.

Generally, men are often more cautious guarding themselves from becoming vulnerable. This is as a result of their socialisation which does not allow them to express feelings and are supposed to be “strong”.

Causes of fear of intimacy and commitment

The cause of fear of intimacy and commitment is mainly as a result of trauma, loss of trust, infidelity, abuse, abandonment, mistreatment and unhealthy relationships in both childhood and adulthood.

It could also be as a result of observation of a significant other close to them whose relationships was violated, attachment issues and family dynamics that continue to be unresolved. Whatever the case, awareness is the heartbeat of therapy.

Resolve of fear

Regardless of the reasons for fear of intimacy and commitment, one should make a conscious decision to deal with their fears and move on. Anyone suffering from fear of intimacy and commitment should be aware that it is their responsibility to work towards healing so that they can enjoy and thrive in relationships.

If one is unable to handle the situation, then it is necessary to seek the services of a trained therapist. A therapist will help you unlock your unconscious mind and in bringing you to awareness, help you towards self-awareness and self-actualisation concerning relationships. Group support for the not so serious cases can also be helpful. Knowledge is power so purpose to pursue it.

In conclusion it is important to acknowledge that fear as an emotion is not necessarily negative but also positive. Fear will drive you to become cautious and aware of any threats and take the necessary action.

Fear will cause you to achieve unimaginable success, fear inspires action and causes you to work on confidence, fear is the precursor to possibility, fear is the possibility that you are doing something awesome, fear keeps you alive and relevant; fear makes you live your life purpose and keeps your passion alive.

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, “Marriage Built to Last” You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke