I cancelled my engagement...again!
We are always told not to make decisions when we are angry, possibly because they mostly end up being wrong. They turn out to be decisions we end up regretting that we ever made. As human beings, we, however, love making decisions when we are angry. Somehow, it always gives us a relief because once we make the decisions, we feel settled and think that we have done away with whatever was making us angry.
Later, when we come back to our senses, we curse and regret; in most cases, we always realize the decision we made was wrong when it's too late. Too late means we take a whole new different route that we had not thought of before. This route is always rocky, full of grinding teeth and shedding tears. Those who are strong enough will put the past where it belongs and tread on. After all, the darkest hour of the night is just before dawn.
For that reason, today I cancelled my engagement! Yes, for the second time. Do not give me that look though. I've been there, done that and I am still surviving just like Destiny's child! To say I am angry would be an understatement. Someone please tell me the next word that describes anger in a greater way.
No, I will not say he did anything wrong, instead, let me take the blame. I did everything wrong from the word go. I know I might forever regret cancelling this engagement, but duh, it will not be the first time. When I come back to my senses, I will just apologise and move on. Maybe I have a new hobby, getting engaged! Fall in love with me at your own peril.
Maybe we Africans were never meant to follow those steps when in love. I mean meeting, courting, getting engaged, planning the wedding and finally wedding. Maybe we should just elope like our parents did. When they went back home without their husbands, they were sent back to their husbands. Maybe that way I will have no time for making regretful decisions because someone else has already made them.
The farthest I always go successfully is engagement. From there, I hit an iceberg and my Titanic just starts sinking! Maybe I should just get married to someone I have never met on my wedding day. I can't stand courting any more, especially when I see Green and decide to cross only for the lights to turn Red when I am midway making me a hit-and-run victim. I have, therefore, made up my mind to stay put on the other side of the road, I am safer not crossing. We only live once, once is too short to keep risking.
I, however, feel lucky; this is what is known as making lemonade out of the lemon that life has thrown into your face. Who knew I could own a diamond ring twice? I am however wiser this time around. I am not giving back the ring, ng'oo! This is because I know I am writing this out of total anger! Don't be surprised if wedding bells start ringing, I will be getting married to this same man who is making me boil with anger.
I know some of you are now saying I am the problem. Well, that's for you to worry about. Sometimes you do not have to believe what I write. I personally get shocked when I read what I write. Give me a few weeks to calm down, maybe I will get re-engaged to the same guy and tell you all about it. If you see him before I do, just tell him to calm down, I go nuts at times!
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