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Beryl Wanga Itindi, this mid-week, invited me to her ‘No Resolutions New Year Party’ at her apartment just above mine (I am really hoping our flat tenement will not sink into the swamp upon whose surface it is built).
I said ‘nope.’
Not because when Beryl says ‘left’ I go right, and when she forward travels I take the next bus back to Kamayole.
Okay, perhaps it is because of that. So since she has refused to have New Year resolutions, I resolved to have ten, like the Commandments, ‘kwanza za’ month by month.
January, 2015 – If Mahomet will not go to the mountain, and all that jazz. Since Beryl has refused to leave the neighbourhood, then Tony M must move out of the ‘hood.’ This I’ll do by mid-January. ‘Kwani tutazeekea hapa?’
February – I must get new lass for Valentine’s Day. Since the mid-oh-ohs, it has always been the same, ‘sijui’ Carnivore, getting ripped off for meat, etc. I consulted with little Chelsea and we’ve agreed that its time the locals like loyal Beryl got the chance to play at lady.
March – If you cannot march on in March, maybe it is time you got a mountain bike. Which is what I am doing. And I will ride it to our Mombasa road offices, thrice a week, now that we are near done with that lengthy novel that kept us offline.
April – talking of writing, I have resolved that April will not pass before we launch only our second poetry anthology, 28 Nights in Venice. ‘Kwani?’
May – My birthday falls within this month, so I have resolved to have graduated from driving school by then, and may even purchase a vehicle. Don’t get me wrong, I love our ‘Forward Traveller’ Kamayole ma-threes, but ...
June – here, I have resolved to travel to Eastern Europe. The Ukraine, Lithuania and Latvia are top of the list, but I’ll settle for even the B choices – Belgrade, Belarus or Bulgaria. Live life a little dangerously is my 2015 motto – but try not to die young.
July – I’ll just sit back, chill, and take stock of my resolutions until we say goodbye to July (assuming, of course, that we survive the AirAsia Malaysia flight over Kramatorsk with Serkov, and don’t end up in a crematorium down there or swimming with the fishes of the Dnieper river).
August – Do memorials for those we have loved and lost these past 20 years (but not my college pal, Magus, of whom social media was saying has resurrected, and was last seen in a bus headed for Garissa).
September – Take (legal) revenge on all our enemies! My favourite film as a child was Charles Bronson’s ‘God forgives, I don’t!’
October – Try this urban writing hands at a spot of farming in hardscrabble land in Ngong’ although I have no doubt any crops or animals we try to breed will die.
November – Give up drinking for 30 days.
December – Party like it is 2016/ 1999.
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