My advice to any Bukusu feller out there

Most of last week, we were all occupied by the drama of that feller from Bukusu who had hooked up, so to speak, with a woman of Asian origin (or 'Kenyasian' as some call the 43rd tribe).

The reasons these rare hook ups always sound so cliché (her family is dismayed and threatens to disown her, et cetera) is because cross-racial partnerships here are still radioactive, if not outright explosive like the Bukusu/Asian one.

Every dog had its day and every Bukusu his say on national radio, so as one in a 'cross-cultural' marriage, so to speak, here is some advice to all the Bukusu boys out there who dare. (Random thought: Is Wasonga Itindi a Bukusu name)?

Be brave.

If you see a person you like – whether brown, black or a real 'yellow yellow' from the Chinesey village of Shandong – you do not have to wait for a gong. Go after the object of your affections.

And if its father comes after you with a shotgun?

Run!

'Faint heart never won fair lady' said Confuscius. Or perhaps it was an old man with a weak heart on Viagra as he lay dying on the frayed carpet of a hotel room as said fair lady stood distraught at the window and screamed 'Heeelp meeee!'

Bribe the in-laws.

This method is a sure fire way to worm your way into the hearts of your prospective in laws. Or at the very least, have her kid brother firmly in your corner (that is, your back pocket). As the saying goes, money talks and bullshit walks. But what if you are broke and the only property you own on this earth is a hut in Chamasiri? Here you need to play the Mafia card.

Threaten your prospective in laws that you'll put their daughter in that basket at the front of your boda boda (which you often use to ferry chicken). And elope with her to the scenic and flood swept slopes of Budalangi, if they do not give you two their blessings.

Here they will threaten to disown her, or if it is a 'man only' (say it with an Indian accent, and little wobble of the head) disinherit him. This is the time to say if they do, they will never seen their grandchildren (and si you know how those point-five tois can be cute).

If you succeed in hitching up with your different colour partner, get used to the stares. After some time, they will go away. Okay, they won't. But you'll be so used to them after some time, like an old scar, you won't notice them at all.

If you are a black lass married to a white guy, get used to the smirk on the waiter's face. What that snide smirk says is he thinks you are a whore. Revenge is a dish best eaten cold in a restaurant. Punish the waiter by sending him around with an order, changing your mind several times, and 'accidentally' breaking the dishes – and watch that smirk slide off his face and fall on the floor.

Get yourself a T-shirt with Obama's face in front and behind print the slogan 'A Colour Blind World.' In our still racial world, navigating between white, black and brown relationships requires the dexterity of, say, a Bukusu on a bicycle.

Photo: Standard