When baby shouldn’t be left alone

Children need their parents’ supervision- nobody can argue with that. What is debatable, however, is the type and level of supervision that parents should exercise over their child at different ages.

Should you let your three-year-old play in the sitting room while you lie upstairs in bed having a short nap?

Is it acceptable for your four-year-old to play in an enclosed garden while you prepare a meal in the kitchen? Is it reasonable to allow your five-year-old to play in a park with her friends while you sit some distance away reading a book?

There are no easy answers to these questions and what suits one parent may not suit another. Yet part of growing up is being allowed an increased degree of independence without mum or dad in close attendance.

Regardless of the age of your child, the following factors are important when determining the level of supervision required:

Your child’s ability: There is no point in leaving her unsupervised during an activity that she doesn’t have the ability to cope with on her own. For instance, a three-year-old will be unlikely to complete a complex jigsaw puzzle without her parent’s help, and so requires supervision in that situation.

The nature of the activity: Some activities are unlikely to cause your child harm such as drawing with crayons hence supervision can be minimal. But there are other activities that are potentially dangerous and consequently need closer supervision such as playing close to a pond.

Your child’s maturity: Some children take longer to develop a sense of danger, and are unaware of everyday hazards. Closer supervision is necessary for immature children, in case they unknowingly place themselves at risk.

Past experience: If you have found previously that your five-year-old becomes wild and irresponsible the moment she is out of your sight, then clearly she is not ready to be left unsupervised. However, if she has coped with a reduced level of supervision on previous occasions, then you can afford to lessen it even further the next time.

Supervision should be decreased in slow, gradual steps, as your child progresses through childhood. If you do it too quickly, she won’t be able to cope. Although she may moan because she wants to be independent as soon as possible, your supervision keeps her safe.

But you can’t wrap your child in cotton wool. She has to be given regular opportunities to stand on her own two feet, without you watching over her, or she will never attain a satisfactory level of independence. Too much supervision will reduce her self-confidence and her ability to look after herself when she is away from you. In situations where she doesn’t have you to tell her what to do, where she has to make a decision on her own, she will struggle.

As a simple guide, a child below two years should rarely, if ever, be left unsupervised for more than a few moments (unless she is at home, playing quietly and safely). From the age of three upwards, start to allow her times when you and she are not together-playgroup in pres-school provides ample opportunities for this and gradually increase these times over the next couple of years. By the time she reaches school age, she will probably be sensible enough to manage many tasks within her daily routine without close parental supervision.

At that age, explain to her why you want to keep an eye on her for some activities, while you are prepared to give her more freedom for others. She may not like what you say, but she will understand it.