Raising responsible children

The sole purpose of parenting is to prepare your child to leave home! These words, uttered in a parenting class that my wife and I took a while back dramatically changed our approach to parenting.

We learnt to progressively train our children right from the start for independence, knowing that the day will come when we are not around to guide them.

We resolved to intentionally work together to bring them up so that by the time they go to college, they will be able to consistently make the right choices regarding money, relationships, work ethic and so on.

Good parenting

This is certainly not the norm! The definition of good parenting today seems to be more about giving our children all the perks that we lacked growing up. Unfortunately, that approach is creating a generation of youngsters with an entitlement mindset.

They automatically expect life to hand them the lifestyle of their parents and have no idea how to make the sacrifices of the previous generation in order to create said lifestyle for themselves!

I often come across little two-year-olds whose parents wearily acknowledge are in their ‘terrible twos’. Feeding them is an ordeal that takes several hours. Putting them to bed takes just as long. It’s not uncommon for such ‘little angels’ to pull their mom’s earring or bite on her breastfeeding nipple to express their displeasure!

Many parents believe this behaviour is normal and will pass with time. But unfortunately, it only becomes more entrenched if left unaddressed. And there’s nothing less ‘cute’ than a 16-year-old who violently demands their way and believes that the world owes him or her a favour!

Reasons why we fail to teach our children differently include ignorance. We just don’t know any different! Our own parents didn’t set out to deliberately parent us and we figure if we turned out okay, so will our kids.

Psychological Babble

Unfortunately, the society our children are growing up in today is very different from the one we grew up in, with a lot more dysfunctions and harmful influences.

Many of us have also bought into modern psychological babble that equates discipline with violence and teaches parents to reason with their toddlers. And of course busyness plays a role. We’re so busy out there working to provide a lifestyle for our children that we leave it to our maids, schoolteachers and television to provide life skills for them.

 Now, my intention is not to leave you feeling guiltier! Most parents, myself included, already wish they were better at it. Instead, it is to say that there is another way. As the good book teaches, ‘direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ We only have a narrow window to direct our children. By the time they are teenagers, outside influences like media and peers will compete with your influence in their lives. The time to train them is now!