Many times people get battered and bruised in pursuit of love and partnership. If you are among the number, you are not alone. Many have been hurt along this journey.
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The wounds are evident and a constant reminder. If not careful, one can become an emotional wreck. The flipside of this is that pain does build character. You will get over it and be set for yet another relationship in good time.
What is important is that before you do, ensure that you have healed from the wounds afflicted in the previous relationship.
Mike’s relationship ended dramatically after a long and passionate courting. He continues to carry along emotional baggage and did not give himself time for reflection, self-evaluation and forgiveness. Soon after the breakup, he met an acquaintance who provided what he ached for — a shoulder to cry on.
According to Mike, the new catch was kind, considerate, understanding and accepting, but clearly not his kind of girl. It did not take too long for him to fall into her arms and finally it turned into another passionate romance. Having a shoulder to cry on when you are down is great, but the consequences are major. It is easy for one to sometimes mistake the comfort of the new relationship for romance.
Afterwards, one fantasises to suite his or her immediate needs of affection, appreciation and admiration. However, this state of affairs is short lived.
At this point, the focus is always on self and one does not pay any attention to the flaws of your new find. What is important at this point is that someone is providing the ‘magic cure’. What you should do is spend time alone to reflect and heal.
You can enjoy the comfort of your personal friends and family and wait to make significant friendships after you are healed. Save yourself the possible disappointment and pain.
When people breakup there is a lot of pain and emotional turmoil experienced, their self-esteem is crushed and there is a need to prove to themselves. They also draw the dose from engaging in another relationship instantly feeding the void.
It is important to be true to yourself. If you had not broken up would you consider the relationship in the first place? Are you simply feeding your ego, in denial or on a revenge mission? It helps to pray, meditate and have some soul searching every day.
If there is an opportunity to reclaim the broken relationship, do what you must, including being apologetic, seeking counsel and finding ways for reconciliation.
If there is no chance, move on! Take time for personal development and healing before you consider engaging in another relationship. The greatest danger of getting into another relationship immediately is that someone will be hurt broken and it most likely will be you.
The reason for this being that your immediate need is some unconditional acceptance and empathy, which you can get from a professional and not a lover. When healing finally happens, you will not need that person who gave you a shoulder to cry on because your eyes will have opened to the fact that they are not your choice of partner.
If you are already in a new relationship before finding closure and healing in the last one, take a break.
The writer is a relationship coach and author, Marriage Built to Last
You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke
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