I am in love with my ex boyfriend

Many women confess having struggled to get over their attraction to an ex boyfriend. Have you ever been in such a situation? If you have, it is not uncommon and you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you admiring and desiring that which you once had and held in esteem. What is wrong is entertaining the thought and going for it.

One would imagine that feelings from past relationships are completely erased once one marries their prince charming. That happily ever after becomes your poison and there is never any need or reason to look at another man and least of all, your ex.  What happens then, one would wonder, that shortly after catching the big fish, there can still be a desire for someone else other than your spouse?

Chebet was struggling in her marriage. She no longer found the level of pleasure that she once enjoyed with her husband. Before long, she reached out to her ex, got caught up in a steamy romantic fantasy, and the rest is history.

“I’m enjoying a relationship with my ex lover. I know that it is wrong, but it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have had challenges in my marriage and for the first time in five years, I can say I have found happiness, not to mention the fulfilling sex.

“It is magical… I have never been happier! I know that this could be the beginning of the end of my marriage, yet I cannot bare to think about losing my husband and least of all, my children living without their father,” said Chebet.

Ex lovers must be avoided under all circumstances. It is easy to fall back and rekindle a relationship. It is important that one makes a conscious decision to withdraw from their ex lovers to give room to build an intimate relationship. It is helpful to maintain a distance with your ex and to set new boundaries early in the relationship.  Accountability, integrity and honesty are important virtues that should always be exercised.

The bond as a result of shared emotional— and sometimes physical intimacy — is not easy to break. Your Ex should remain simply that, an ex and under no circumstance should you have items such as photographs, gifts or love letters as they have a way of evokingemotions and may trigger a romantic relationship.

In addition, avoid constant communication.  Give your spouse no reason to be jealous of a previous relationship.  Marriage goes through some defined relationship stages that I have discussed in this column before. They are dream, drama, discovery and depth. After the dream stage, it is not uncommon for partner’s to reach out to past lovers, searching for the fantasy and ‘feel good’ feeling that seems fleeting.

Sometimes there is so much drama due to conflict and an ex lover can easily be used to fill the void.

It is possible to have a platonic relationship with an ex-boyfriend; however, it is safe to draw boundaries and redefine the relationship.  For your own comfort and that of your spouse, keep ex lovers at a distance early in the relationship because it could cost your marriage.