My family wants me to have a second wife

This week’s topic

My wife is Kikuyu and I am Kisii. We have been married for ten years but I am now under pressure from my relatives to take up a Kisii wife based on cultural practices that require a Kisii man who marries a woman from another tribe to marry a Kisii woman at some point in his life. I feel that it may be time for me to marry another woman but I don’t know how to approach my wife who is usually extremely jealous and overprotective over me.

{Nyamae}

Your take

Since it is in your culture to marry a wife from your community, do so before the wrath and curses from your elders befall you. Engage your first wife in this mission and let her know the consequences of non-compliance. I am sure she will understand why you are doing this.

{Ojou Robert}

Rise above those retrogressive cultural practices and take control of your life rather than give in to your relatives. Read Genesis 2:24 to understand what the Bible says about marriage.

{Pastor Ben Shikuku}

I think you want to marry another woman and are using the pressure from your relatives as an excuse. Any woman can make a good wife if given a chance and moulded to become one. You have been faithful for more than ten years but want to destroy all that to please your relatives? I would advice your wife to hold on to her marriage.

{Shinanda Wilbroda}

I am Kisii but have never heard of such a strange cultural practice. Your relatives are just tribal and are being discriminative to your wife.Ten years is not ten days and you ought to realise that your immediate family should always come first no matter which community you belong to.

{Dr John Mogeni}

If you knew that this is what your culture expected of you, you should have told your wife from the beginning that you would get a Kisii wife later on. She will surely be hurt when she realises that you want to take on another wife. Handle this situation with wisdom.

{Elvis Ogola}

From what I get, you don’t understand why men marry second wives and your reason is not valid. Your wife will not accept to share you with another woman so if you are willing to lose her then just go ahead and marry. This will be the biggest mistake you ever made.

{Tasma Charles}

Your wife is extremely jealous and overprotective about you because she loves you and knows you belong to her. I know you do not know how to approach your wife over it because you feel you’ll betray her.

I know customary law allows it but bringing another woman into your life will change everything and the happy life you’ve had for years. You know what’s good for you. Don’t do something to impress some people who won’t be there when there are consequences. My advise to you is to concentrate on making your family better and forget about  embracing a culture that will destroy what you have built for ten years.

{David Karengo, Bondo-Usenge}

Counsellor’s take

Nyamae, I have heard something to that effect but it is only a preference. I do not think it is a cultural practice that would attract the wrath of the ancestors if someone failed to comply.

My thinking is that you have decided to marry another wife and are only looking for a rubber stamp to support this.

If you want to marry another wife then go ahead with your plan.

You can only learn some things from experience.

However, I encourage you to look around at the various polygamous marriages and if that is what you want, go ahead.

I believe you have enough troubles already with one wife.

Polygamy is a huge challenge and those who are practicing it just put on a brave face.

Do you really want to spend your life putting out fires and trying to please two women who are only interested in getting even with each other?

I do not think so.

{Taurus}

In the next issue:

I have a friend I have known for several years. For years, he has always flirted with my wife openly even in my presence. His affection for her was open but I dismissed it until he started calling her several times a day sometimes even when he is drunk. Recently, she was admitted in hospital and what I saw raised my antennae.  He went out of his way to visit her every day bringing her flowers and ice cream. I am starting to feel disrespected but I don’t know how to handle this situation. I want him out of her life but I also don’t want to appear insecure. Please help me… {Jason}

Dear readers, this column appreciates that no one has all the right answers and, therefore, seeks to get your feedback on the issues raised for discussion. Next week, we will publish your comments and advice. Kindly send them to: [email protected]

You are invited to send your CONFESSION for discussion in this forum before TUESDAY.

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