He is boring in bed

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and we have two little boys together. Our sex life has always been the same – boring. Every time we have sex, I tell him how I would like to do it, but he just keeps saying that it’s “not him”.

To make matters worse, he cheated on me as well. Now when we’re in bed he only wants to do it with him on top and me in the missionary position – nothing else.

I’m really getting bored and need excitement. I just want to feel loved and I want to enjoy sex with him. What can I do?

Advice:

This situation calls for some brutal honesty  if he has he always been a missionary position man

It sounds like sex has always been quite samey. But now, because he cheated, are you expecting more as proof that he still loves you and finds you sexually attractive?

After an affair, things can never go back to being exactly the same as they were before. It’s possible to go on and have a good relationship, but you have to take a different path. And maybe, if you’re being honest with yourself, you’re not as over it as you think you are, so you’re feeling insecure. It’s understandable.

When it comes to sex, you should want to please each other, but he’s basically saying: “This is me, take it or leave it.” After having an affair, he should be the one who’s pulling out all the stops to please you and prove to you that he can do his bit to make your relationship work.

When someone has cheated, the one place you want sparks to be flying is in the bedroom because you need that reassurance.

Get tougher – remind him that you took him back, but that he’s doing nothing to make you feel loved, desired or reassured. Maybe a trial separation will force him to think about what you mean to him and if he’s prepared to put in the effort, because it takes a lot of hard work to get things – including sex – back on track after an affair.