If a man leaves his wife for you...

Dear Coleen,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for three years and I always thought he was the one. But earlier this year, I started a new job and was trained by an older man.

I have so much in common with him. But I’m 23 and he is 40 – and he’s married.

We spent so much time together and I found myself liking him more and more every day. We have said we love each other.

My boyfriend and I agreed to have a break and during that time I spent a night of passion in a hotel with this older man.

However, the next day my boyfriend apologised for everything and now I feel so guilty.

To complicate things further, my older man is now getting divorced from his wife to be with me and I’m not sure what I want.

Is it really possible to be in love with two people?

Coleen says

Now the reality of a divorce is on the cards, it’s not quite as exciting any more, right?

I think a lot of people who end up having affairs mistake excitement (and lust) for love. What you need to do is split up with your boyfriend for a while, stop contacting the other guy and spend some time on your own to work out exactly what want.

I would also tell your older man not to get divorced expecting you to run off into the sunset with him.

It sounds like he needs to separate from his wife, regardless. But be clear that you need to take some time to decide what’s right for you.

Having two men vying for your attention is an ego boost and you probably go to bed at night feeling a million dollars. But the fallout won’t be so sexy if your boyfriend and his wife find out about it all.

The bottom line is, you won’t know what you want until you have some time on your own.

You’re bound to miss one more than the other.