SECTIONS

Not all MPs will weep more than the bereaved

Past parliamentary session, Nairobi [David Njaaga, Standard]

I used to think that the expression ‘crying more than the bereaved’ originated from my neck of the woods, famous for professional mourners who would outdo the bereaved if the price is right. Our wahesh changed my mind.

If you follow Bunge, even remotely, you must know that our wahesh keep their screams on standby, letting them out when the situation demands it. They yell whenever their masters’ names are mentioned in unflattering terms and howl when, surprise surprise, Wanjiku is threatened. 

On Tuesday, they have an entire hour - 6pm to 7pm - to cry their eyes dry on behalf of Kenyans. Deputy Speaker Moses Cheboi promised that the wahesh will talk about the high price tags on food products.

Nominee 001, David ole Sankok, had, on Thursday, sought to adjourn the sitting to discuss the rising food prices, a matter of national importance.

The well fed people’s representatives will weep for the “thousands” that Sankok said are going to bed on empty stomachs.

Women who lost track on the cost of anything - their bodyguards don’t just carry their handbags, they also do their shopping - will chant dirges about the good old days when unga was affordable.

Some of the wahesh will blame whoever is responsible for what they will call a mess. Everyone but themselves. And why would they blame themselves? Because they determine the taxes, and hence have the power to do something about the current situation? 

Everyone else can decide not to eat and save the MPs the job of being useful. Why aren’t they doing it?

But not every mhesh will be keen to weep more than the bereaved. Some prefer to spend the evening discussing the Sagana declaration. And they will probably be the majority, given their reluctance to rise in support of Sankok’s proposal to discuss matters tumbo on Thursday.

“We represent Kenyans and we are known to be pro-people,” Ugunja’s Opiyo Wandayi said. “And we can combine that with the Sagana declaration.”

Minority whip Junet Mohamed chimed in.

“We must also have discussions on issues of national importance like the Sagana declaration,” Junet stated, sentiments ODM’s mwenyekiti John Mbadi shared. That was before Bahati’s Kimani Ngunjiri offered to translate prezzo’s Sagana speech.

Endebess mhesh Robert Pukose, who supports the big food debate, was concerned that his colleagues were trivialising the issues Sankok had raised.

Unknown to Pukose, perhaps, is that his colleagues were seemingly aware that the wahesh had contributed to ensuring food prices would always aim for the sky. And avoiding the subject would ensure that they keep their masks on. Crying would only earn them unnecessary attention.