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Why Jubilee can’t bank on ODM for survival

By Michael Ndonye | July 31st 2020

Before March 9th 2018, I saw in a dream Jubilee bringing onboard ODM, its chief nemesis, into government. Immediately their relationship was consummated, kings held a banquet on Earth, but the political heavens sky wrote ‘mene mene Tekel Pasin’ against Jubilee! I was deeply disturbed, but a political seraph told me to seal what I saw until the fullness of time.

So this week, the cherub said to me ‘arise and warn Jubilee about the seven political signs, which are shaping their future. Five have passed, one is, and one is to come. I asked why. The angel said, ‘Jubilee broke the tenth rule in the 48 laws of power — thou shall avoid the unhappy and unlucky by carefully examining their past turbulence and cause of their broken relationships.’

My thesis is this: Jubilee cannot bank their future on ODM — a political android with a history of colonising and annihilating its political hosts. Only by examining its political history can one prophesy about this political humanoid.

Orange Democratic Movement isn’t an edible fruit anymore; it has survived political weather since 2007. In 2013, the Orange was swallowed by Cord, but it slurped Cord entrails and walked out via the ribs.

In 2017, NASA swallowed it and felt comfort in the stomach.  NASA thought all was going well in its political gut. It was mistaken! ODM gushed out from the mouth and nose, and as we speak, NASA is rotting in political graveyards. What makes Jubilee different?

Short story

Here’s a short story. In 2018, Jubilee’s affection for ODM was too strong to put asunder, but political matrimony opens blind eyes. After the political walkway, today Jubilee and ODM must coexist like hippos and crocodiles in political water bodies.

This is the secret. hippos are herbivorous while crocodiles are carnivorous. So, how do hippos survive crocodiles’ predation; even of their young ones?

If bloat of hippos, from their dry land escapades, find their young ones missing, they can terrorise a bask of crocodiles indiscriminately. So to avoid problems, crocodiles tame their craving for hippos. It’s safer for crocodiles to hunt a confusion of wildebeests during the wondrous Serengeti-Maasai Mara migration.

Moreover, hippos have super thick skin that crocodiles can’t bite. They have large mouths that can open at over two feet wide, tusk-like canines, and sharp incisors that can nibble an enormous crocodile into smithereens.

In the handshake relationship, ODM is like hippos, and Jubilee is like crocodiles. I need to explain here. When Jubilee courted ODM, the hippo looked edible, soft and docile. The hippo has since been useful in many ways (I’m not ignoring the Kanu and Wiper factor though), but the political heavens showed me great signs that I’m obliged to share as they happened.

The first sign was the March 9, 2018 handshake. When it happened, the political heavens were silenced, and swords were sheathed. Civility was given back to citizens, and the country rows were concealed—an extremely lifesaving insignia.

The second sign was the BBI; the flamboyant handshake kid full of political grace. Upon its birth, the political dragon waited to devour it, but the hippos and the crocodiles stood guard and chased the dragon away—the third sign. Tanga Tanga was the perceived dragon. Its head was injured when Senators Kipchumba Murkomen and Susan Kihika were ousted amid ODM ululations. It seemed politically virtuous, though.

Upon presentation by the political cherub, the fourth sign resembled the third. In it, the hippos (ODM) participated in kicking out Majority Leader of the National Assembly, Aden Duale and Deputy Speaker of the Senate, Kithure Kindiki. It was charming in the mouth.

The fifth sign appeared when ODM took over prime positions in both senate and parliament; replacing the tanga tanga wing of Jubilee. By this sign, the political gods ask; are not both the left and the right wings of the same bird? Will Jubilee fly with one arm? Can political wings be rented? Is ODM the best lending merchant? No one dared answer these questions; not in the political heavens or on earth.

The sixth sign, which is, is the ‘one man, one vote, one shilling’ revenue-sharing formula proposed by the Finance Committee and was blessed by the President and Raila. Twice, the hippos have shown their teeth, and Senate Majority Whip Irungu Kang’ata drew his sword to slay baby BBI should the hippos frustrate the formula. We are watching from afar.

The seventh sign is to be primarily shaped by the latter. It depends on the BBI’s success and Uhuru’s political moves toward 2022.

Going by what happened in the Senate on Wednesday, the hippo is winning and the crocodile is whining. The crocodile’s pressure receptors are sensing red alerts. Why didn’t Jubilee examine ODM’s biography?

-Dr Ndonye is a political economist

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