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My relationship is no longer passionate

 My relationship is no longer passionate (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I have been happily married for some time now, but no one could describe our relationship as passionate! How can we up our game in the bedroom before it is too late?


Chris says, 

Hi Hot?!

Many marriages are wonderfully hot, so there is no reason why yours can’t be too.

First, start working on yourself. Take a little more exercise and eat and dress well, because the more you like the way you look, the sexier you will feel. Set yourself some new career and family goals, and focus on what is good in your life rather than what is not. And be comfortable with who you are, rather than who you wish you were.

Try to declutter your schedule. Because hot marriages need time for at least one meaningful conversation a day, sex, cuddles, kisses and romantic words, loads of sexy messages, and plenty of small romantic kindnesses. You also need to set aside time away from the children, family and work to relax and reconnect.

Ask yourself whether you hug enough. Because lots of long slow hugging increases your oxytocin levels and will make you a much closer couple.

And clear out your bedroom. Photos of your children or mother-in-law could be subconsciously lowering your romantic mood. Remove the TV, tablets, phones and laptops. And leave arguments out of the bedroom too.

So if you have a row, make up or park everything before bedtime. Hot couples are good at resolving issues and never leave disputes festering, so practice your argument skills. Learn when to apologise, and get comfortable with each other’s faults.

And do not complain that your bedroom is boring if you have never said what you want! So talk together about what you like and what you do not. Be adventurous, and try anything, at least once.

Because novelty matters. Dependability and predictability are essential to long-term relationships but do not play well in the bedroom. So be imaginative. Stock up on candles, music, massage oils, and the makings of some small snacks, so that you are always looking forward to when the children are asleep.

All the best,


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