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Confessions: I'm not attracted to Mr Nice Guy

 Nice and dependable men don't just push my buttons (Photo: Courtesy)

Hi Chris,

My mother always told me I should marry a man who is dependable, loving, committed, and understands what is important in life.

A nice guy, in other words, who wants a family and likes children. That sounds like good advice, doesn’t it? And it is not just my mother.

I am forever reading about the sensitive, caring ‘new men’ I am supposed to admire. So how come the nice guys just do not push my buttons?

While I go weak at the knees whenever I see the sort of guy I cannot tell my mother about. What is going on?


Chris says,

Hi Rogues!

It is all about bravery. Bravery’s really seductive, maybe because in the past a woman needed a brave man to protect her and their children. And even now, all the activities that bring status and wealth are inherently risky.

So going for a brave man still works. Especially professionally brave men, because they are self-disciplined and dependable. For example, firemen, entrepreneurs and financiers. Rather than someone who is just out for a buzz, like bungee-jumpers or sky-divers.

The trouble is that brave guys come in two flavours. ‘Dad’ types are brave, but considerate and kind. They stick around and look after you. But then there are the ‘Rogues’. They are brave, but selfish.

The sort of guy who is confident enough to seduce you, but who loses interest as soon as he has had his wicked way with you, and heads off looking for another conquest.

Kind guys always win if you are looking for a long term partner. But for anything else, the rogue type really is far more seductive, which is why they make you go weak at the knees. Deep down that is because your subconscious wants the genes that make him so outrageously attractive to be passed on to your sons.

And so you cannot stop yourself from being attracted by males who are sought after by other women. Risk-taking, competitive, dominant, promiscuous men, who will have sexy sons. You can spot them a mile off.

They are confident, stand tall, move easily and gaze unashamedly at people. They push people around and do not smile much, especially at other men.

Dad types attract women by showing that they are able and willing to be good fathers. They are compassionate, kind, romantic and industrious.

Rogues attract women by showing how competitive, dominant, aggressive, risk-taking and rebellious they are. But your best bet by far is to find the kind of guy you would want as a son-in-law.

So enjoy your rogues for now. But when the time comes, follow your mother’s advice and marry a brave, nice guy!

All the best,


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