Is this love that I'm feeling?

I have been dating this guy for about 15 months but in the course of our relationship, he cheated on me with my girlfriend. My girlfriend had actually told one of our friends who thereafter told me about it. I summoned them for a meeting and asked them about this but they both denied and without any proof I forgave them. He later confessed about the affair and begged for forgiveness. I cut that girl out of my links and decided to give him another chance. He is a good guy with a bright future ahead of him and I would literary die for him. However, after what he did, he betrayed my trust and I am having difficulties planning my life with a guy I don’t trust. I don’t know how to deal with this. Please advise...{Jane}

Your Take:

Jane, you seem uncertain about your future with that man. You are acting as if you are already married to him and this “iron-lady” attitude may not do you any good. Men shy away from ladies who behave that way, especially when they might be thinking about starting a family with them.

You must be very possessive but despite what happened you should give him space and time to love you. Get to know him better speak out your mind in a mature way for otherwise you could be losing him to your polite and accommodating friends.

{Ouma Ragumo}

There could be several things that may lead your partner to date your friends. In such cases you need to do some soul searching and establish where you went wrong with all this. Find time and talk to him about this but also know that confessing to you about what happened is a clear indication that he loves and respects you. If you have chosen to forgive him then forgive and forget. People learn from their mistakes and learn to change their ways.

{Fred Jausenge}

I do not understand when you say he is a good guy with a bright future and you are ready to die for him yet he cheated on you. The mistrust feelings you are going through is because your guy did not accept his mistakes even after confronting him.

The fact that he later on confessed does not mean he cannot repeat the same mistake. You seem undecided and confused on what you really want in your life. My advice is that you do soul searching and tell him the truth on what is going on in your mind for only then you make a wise choice.

{Andera Ngota}

Counselor’s Take:

Jane, unfortunate things do happen in life, in relationships and in many other places. This is just one of them and it ought to be seen as just that. It happened, it was unfortunate and he actually confessed about it without any form of duress from either side. Sometimes people make mistakes and often they realize they did wrong and mend their ways. He did you wrong and found it prudent to tell you about it.

This indeed shows that he is remorseful and ready to change for the better. You are advised to consider forgiving him and rebuilding your relationship afresh with the hope that things are going to be alright in the days ahead.

Cheating is painful when it happens. Essentially, it should not really matter with whom it happened but it actually does. In this case, it was with one of your close friends. This could be what is making the whole situation painful and the future very uncertain.

It is normal to have feelings of mistrust and deeply founded fears about your partner when they go out and cheat on you but if you are convinced that he has dealt with himself on this matter then you may also want to deal with it and bring it to rest.

There is however another side to dealing with this and this concerns your friends. This happened with one of them, there are chances that you could have had something to do with it so you ought to evaluate how you handle your relationship business and where you put the line with your friends.

Often, if you keep talking to your girls about your boyfriend, some get curious tempted to find out what is this thing that is making you extremely happy. They therefore open up channels of communication beyond what we refer to as the normal handshake.

 Keep your relationship patters to yourself and draw a clear line between this and your friends. Lastly, you dealt well with that lady with whom your boyfriend messed up. It is advisable to stay away from her for some time until this wound heals.

However, in future and when things get back on track, I would encourage you to consider forgiving her for this and putting it behind you. This is because forgiveness is the true healer of all wounds and the longer it takes for this to happen, the deeper the wound is going to get. {Taurus}