Why you should be the first source of sex information for your child

Dear Dr Ombeva,

The recent news on many school girls and teenagers getting pregnant during this Covid-19 period has me worried. How can we protect our children from the risk of early sexual exposure, assault and predators? Thanks.

Answer

The news about more and more school girls becoming pregnant and getting involved in early sexual exposure is worrying.

The whole topic of sexuality and how much sex content we should expose our children to remains a very controversial one, and a very difficult part of parenting, especially with the undefined boundaries in terms of just how much information is enough to give the teen, when to start such talk, and the difference in the sexuality content between the female and male teenager.

The adolescents and teenagers with sexuality-related concerns are often conflicted on which doctor to see, whether a paediatrician or adult physician or gynaecologist. There increasingly appears to be consensus that peadiatricians should treat adolescents, especially with the increasing realisation that most children begin to experience pubertal changes at a very early age, and that most children become exposed to adult sexual content from internet, friends, media outlets and peers.

The other problem is that, generally, doctor visits are few and often don’t focus on the unique needs of the teenager. Many physicians are missing opportunities to educate and counsel adolescent patients on healthy sexual behaviours and prevention of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy.

A recent study to assess sexuality discussions during health maintenance visits by adolescents and to identify predictors of time spent discussing sexuality and level of adolescent participation found that roughly a third of adolescents left the physician’s office with no mention of sex or sexuality issues.

In cases where sexual content was discussed, physicians initiated the talks, with teenagers often responding silently or with simple yes or no answers. The older teenager was more likely to talk about sex. By waiting until teenagers are older to discuss sex, we may miss opportunities to identify adolescents who are contemplating sexual activities.

What this shows is that your role as a parent/guardian as the first source of information and guidance cannot be over emphasised. Please initiate discussion as early as possible with your teenage child, through one-on-one quality time with him/her, to discuss sexual development, behaviour, attraction to opposites, menstruation, sex, risk reduction and advice on how to avoid falling into the wrong traps. Regulate and guide the content they are exposed to on TV and internet.

Talking to your daughter can begin as soon as the girl starts showing any body changes related to puberty, or when the child starts showing curiosity or understanding of some sexuality aspects. This may be around age 10. Discuss monthly periods, breast development, change in body odour, how to conduct oneself around people of opposite sex, and how to detect a potentially harmful adult male who may harm them sexually.

Above all, pray for God’s protection over your child.