Men only: When false accusers are out to destroy you

It’s been 16 months (since that August 5, 2019) when the judgment from Madame Addah Obura not only clearing my name, but finding Shailja Patel and Prof Wambui Mwangi liable of libel was handed down.

Long enough time to finally speak about this terrible period of my life when I’d been falsely accused of sexual assault and defamed.

With KTN recently revisiting the story in a programme they ran about men who have been falsely accused of sick things like these, with many innocent men convicted, I feel time enough has passed for ‘Men Only’ to share tips on how to triumph, in a time when social media terror surrounds you.

I got to understand, during that time, how being trolled on social media can silence a person, break them to bits inside, and in the cases of teenagers, or even fragile adults, lead them to take their own lives after being cyber bullied.

Here are some survival tips should you ever find yourself in this horrific situation.

1. Resist the urge to ‘obliterate’ yourself

My first urge was to take ‘Mara Moja’ and a litre of vodka. That’s how much sweat, scared, shamed and fury you feel!

Then I can’t explain how, caught in that bubble of accusation, you get exhausted explaining the same story over and over and over and over, to all and sundry.

But stay sober, stay strong, and do screenshots of all the s*** they throw your way. Coz, one day, they’ll pay!

2. Beat them to the authorities

Patel and her friend spent the Monday after the alleged incident setting up #hashtags to make sure I trend negatively.

Tuesday they were on Star newspaper, Wednesday and getting their NGO and CKW gang to put pressure on ‘#FireMochama.’ Thursday they went on Larry Madowo’s ‘The Trend,’ then the top rated show in the country to defame me to millions of Kenyans, and avoided the police, with Patel calling them ‘rapists.’

Although I barely slept that week, waking up to serious stress headaches, that Tuesday, I wrote to my publishers, literary sponsors and saw my employer’s (HR).

Wednesday went to police to report electronic abuse, and then lawyered up with Sichangi Advocates, Thursday.

3. Get your side of the story out

When caught in such a social media storm, you will be tempted to hide under a rock. That’s where they’ll stone you to death!

By Friday, I was ready to go on TV and challenge Patel to show up and repeat her fabrications, LIVE!

Saturday, gossip bloggers were unpacking their lies. Sunday of 28th, Wanjeri Nderu-Musembi, one of Kenya’s most decorated Human Rights’ activist, who was at said poetry meeting, produced a photo of Patel grinning insanely into the camera in a group picture, after alleged assault.

My attorney Felix Mutua of Sichangi would use that damning photograph as her tombstone in our coming Civil case.

4. Crucify your enemies

Patel, when I’d asked her ‘why are you doing this?,’ said ‘I’ll make your daughter destitute!’ Those words kept me going in the five long years that we pursued her and Wambui through the courts, with the two of them trying every technical trick in the book – ohh, mara ‘Wambui is unwell’, ‘Patel’s out of the country’ – till their bitter end, liable for millions. As the former faces the music, Patel, who Wambui described as having the ‘heart of an angel’ long fled Kenya after the verdict, deserting her friend to face the music alone.

[email protected]