Dating a man your age? Get an older man

When is the boy child mature enough to be called a man? Is it after 18 years of age?

Traditionally - and in many societies - one became a man after initiation. But that ended in the early 1990s when mothers started pampering their boys.

I remember the days when initiation was not taken lightly. Even born-city chaps, who would be rushed to hospitals over simple hygienic concerns, were not spared some traditions, like being holed up with an older person to learn what was expected of them.

I hear  that these days, new initiates are taken to camps where they’re taught stuff about life. A certain community has began taking its boys to Mt Kenya forest after circumcision.

People call me a bully. May be it’s because I never had a brother and knew from the beginning that I had to defend myself from external aggression.

One man called Shabu, the brother of ‘Zingich,’ taught me that one always has to ensure he is the alpha male in a group. Never let others look down on you or use you as a foot soldier.

Today however, I don’t want to discuss that, all I have is a word of advice to sisters of the ‘mahewa generation.’

I know most  women fantasise about white weddings, marrying into money, and having a lovely family. But those fantasies are best left in Mills and Boons novels. I am not a marriage therapist and I fear marriage.

Being the son of an economist, I was told to be careful about what I invest in - investing in emotions and crushes is not my thing.

I usually advise women that in choosing a life partner, they should pick a mature man, one who would understand that their beauty won’t last forever, that their curvy bodies will wither and they will start walking funny in old age.

So, to avoid weddings that last a few days, it’s wise to get hitched to a mature man. But who is a mature man?

This is a guy usually above 35 years. He should at least be a decade older since women mature faster. At that age, a man has been there, done that and won a T-shirt.

This is a man who knows the first investment is his family. He knows family time and thus doesn’t watch soccer all weekend with the boys.That means he will accompany his wife to church on Sunday instead of nursing a hangover.

Such a man does not go out of his way to entertain friends with expensive alcohol at the expense of his family, then start begging for soft loans afterwards.

Such a man knows a car is a deteriorating asset and will stick to his functional jalopy for two more General Elections. Such a man will also sort out marital problems without running to social media where the immature now wash all their dirty linen.

And while women love men who are easy on the eye and with a body to die for besides burning his cash, let me tell you, that is a mirage. When a mature man decides to marry, he picks someone who will be a mother of his children, not a party animal - a woman who will stand by him when things go south, since a mature man knows that behind every successful man, there is a woman.

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@AineaOjiambo