Is it unfair that he has a password on his phone?

For a few months now, my husband has been having a password on his phone. I cannot read his text messages or see his call log and he has refused to share his password. I think he is hiding some things from me. If he is not hiding something from me then why is he being so secretive about his phone?

He even takes it with him to the bathroom and does not let it out of his sight. I smell a rat and sometimes I feel like banging his phone on the wall. I don’t understand what is going on. {Mildred}

Mildred, this is your husband and therefore you have all the rights to question him. You are not insecure about your marriage and you have to have a serious discussion about this with him. Get some sweet words to tell him how you feel, humble yourself and he will do exactly what you want. The fact that he is too secretive about his phone shows that he is hiding something from you. {Fred Jausenge}

Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. Searching through your husband’s phone shows that you do not believe in the person you are with...it is one of the worst things you can do. It can open up so many issues that you may not be prepared to deal with mentally or emotionally. {Andrew Didy Chaplin}

What do you hope to achieve by snooping into his phone? Sit down with him and have a candid conversation about fidelity. Trust issues in marriage can be quite a problem and this is not the way to solve them. {Aseri Dick}

Sometimes, the only mistake we make in life is “being too concerned”. Your husband may or may not be having an affair. I urge to you to keep your cool. In marriage, some things die natural deaths. Do not lose your head even if the whole world does, let him operate as he pleases or have a discussion with him about how you feel. {Onana Victor}

If you get mad over it, it may kill you but all the signs are that there is something your husband is hiding from you. It may not necessarily be that he has affairs outside marriage. Talk to him and tell him why his actions are scaring you. Every person has skeletons, including you, and the best way is to take it cool and discuss them. Noise and threats only worsen them. {Tasma Charles}

Why do you want to check his phone? What would you be looking for? I think you are suspecting him of infidelity because you may also be involved in it. Talk to him and hear him out. He may be having a good reason as to why he is doing this. Dialogue is the best approach to this. {Ouma Ragumo}

Couples should feel free to use and even handle each other’s phone. You did not however tell us if you do allow him to scroll through your phone or not. The truth is that he is either cheating on you or he is engaged in dirty deals that he does not want you to get wind of. My advice is that you request him to accompany you on a picnic then share with him your concerns. Remember communication is one of the powerful tools in resolving issues. {Andera Ngota – Lwanya}

Counsellor's take:

In the present day, relationships are faced with a myriad of complex challenges and one that is leading to many undesirable and awkward situations is technology. The fact is that our world has become more socialised and levels if interaction are at an all time high.

Electronic devices have had added numerous social and economic values to many if not all but it is also certain that they have aided formerly difficult vices in society to thrive. As a matter of fact, the mobile phones, e-mail accounts and social media platforms are the primary channels of communication for cheating spouses. However, they are also primary channels for social, economic and professional development so they play a double edged role.

In all fairness, even at a personal level, there are text messages and conversations we have on our electronic devices and platforms that we want to keep personal. It doesn't mean that people are always cheating but that some information is best placed only when it is kept between the parties involved. This is because anything can always be interpreted in many ways and as such there is need for some privacy. Having a password on ones phone could be an indicator but not a conclusive one that there is something fishy going on.

Desiring to have unlimited access to another person's phone is like asking to have access to their brains. There is a reason why we are prevented from knowing what is going on in another person's mind be they spouses, children, colleagues e.t.c. and that is essentially because everyone needs some level of privacy – more like some personal space to breathe. If a person is cheating in their relationship or marriage, one way or the other it will emerge.

In summary, wanting to have access to another person's phone and other social media platforms is only setting yourself up for disappointment, unnecessary heartache and pain. Why would you want to put yourself in the path of such undesirable situations? Relationships that have some degree of privacy and trust thrive better than those in which people want to be all over each others' business. Banging his cell phone to the wall is not going to help in any way. You may have to bang his computer as well if he denies you access to his e-mail and social media accounts. Would you consider banging his head to the wall just because he will not tell you what he is thinking? {Taurus}