Dadchelor parties: Baby showers gone masculine

There is no greater joy or privilege than bringing a new baby into the world. However, expecting a new baby comes with its share of excitement, it also brings along some feelings of fear and maybe inadequacy, especially as the pregnancy heads towards its final lap.

Baby showers are the perfect event to not only celebrate the expectant mother but also a platform to help assuage some natural fears.

It is here where the mother-to-be is adorned beautifully, and showered with gifts for her and her baby.

Further, it is here where those who have gone before her provide advice to help her navigate her new journey, whether she is a first-time mother or not.

As a result, discussions abound on intimate details of childbirth and postnatal care. However, it is not just about advice but also a moment in time where friends also play games revolving around babies. 

In the past, men have typically not attended showers. They have historically played a minimal role in the preparation and attendance of baby showers.

The expectant father’s main job was to ensure that he delivered the mother of his unborn child to the premises and that she be surprised upon arrival.

Afterwards, he would quickly ride off into the sunset like a man possessed, never to be seen or heard from on the said day. Men were kept at arm’s length even when it came to the preparation for the baby shower.

So much so that it was a family member or friend to the mother-to-be who usually planned the event and took on the job of creating the guest list and afterwards, sending out the invitations; and further would do everything from coming up with the colour scheme, food choices, and games that would be played on the said day.

So, as you can imagine, baby showers consisted mainly of just the mother-to-be and her female family members, friends and colleagues from work.

However, in the last four years or so, a strange or novel trend depending on how one chooses to look at it has begun to take root in the world of baby showers.

You would think that no man would want to be around baby showers where oestrogen-magnified ‘drudgery’ or ‘funfair’ abound in plenty, but that is no longer the case as the silent but prevalent rule that men should not be found anywhere near a baby shower has been thrown out the window, and been replaced by what is now being referred to as ‘co-ed baby showers.’

As if that is not enough, in the western world men are now going a step further and having what is referred to as ‘diaper parties’ or ‘dadchelor parties’, where the man invites his male friends over and they watch sports and the guests are required to bring diapers. It is basically no longer a taboo for men to attend baby showers.

This co-ed baby shower trend is prevalent even amongst celebrities. Look at the baby showers of celebrities like Milly and Kabi WaJesus, where Kabi planned the surprise baby shower for his wife, and he not only attended it with his male friends but also organised it in such a manner that everything - from the games to the baby shower - was inclusive of the men in attendance.

Also, celebrities like Blessing Lungaho and Jackie Matubia, Tanasha Donna and Diamond Platnumz, and Nimo Gachuiri and Mr Seed had co-ed baby showers.

This business of co-ed baby showers may be perplexing, especially if you are old school, and think that all things baby except maybe financial contributions are to be left to the mother.

Nonetheless, those of the new school of thought seem to believe that the modern man is more involved in the upbringing of a child than his father and forefathers, and attending the baby shower is a metaphoric representation of today’s father’s more active role in the life of his child.

Indeed, many men today are playing a more direct role in the child-raising process and as the attitudes towards parenting have shifted to include a more active role by fathers, baby showers have evolved to also include fathers in the celebration.

Milly WaJesus believes that co-ed baby showers are a wonderful development as they enable men to be present and to participate in the process of celebrating an expected new birth.

“There is nothing wrong or even strange with men being present at the baby shower. A co-ed baby shower enables both parents to be celebrated and celebrate the process of being blessed with a child. Also, fathers today are more involved in raising their child or children and as a result, also want to be part of the baby shower,” she says.

“My husband planned my surprise baby shower earlier this year, and it was organised in a way that the men who attended were comfortable and got to participate, plus enjoy the event. Also, we not only did a baby shower but combined it with a gender reveal.”

In agreement with Milly WaJesus is Yelsea Anganga, who runs Glamour Party Planner, an event company, says that co-ed baby showers are now common for clients who want a baby shower where the expectant father and his friends can also play an active role.

“In 2022, baby showers are no longer events exclusively reserved for women; people are doing what is now called co-ed baby showers. Although we have clients who are still traditional in that men are not allowed to participate in the baby shower, we have clients who are specific in including men in the festivities,” says Anganga.

Further, Anganga says that men today not only participate in baby showers but that it has become common for new fathers to have another celebratory event after the baby is born.

“Our clients sometimes ask us to organise post-baby showers. These are events where they celebrate the successful delivery of a healthy baby. Other times the party is to celebrate events like the first boy in the family. These post-baby shower parties happen after a baby is born and at these events, the men actively participate.” 

It is worth noting, that the increased participation of men in baby showers has changed the traditional format of baby showers, which was originally geared towards the needs of women.

Edith Samree, of Bouncy House Baby Shower events, says that with the new trend of co-ed baby showers, event planners are tasked with creating an environment and ambience that will comfortably accommodate the taste and needs of both the women and men in attendance.

“Fathers are now attending baby showers, and even male friends and family members go to baby showers to enjoy the celebration. If you invite men to a baby shower, you need to be aware that they may feel uncomfortable engaging in intimate conversations about pregnancy and childbirth as is the usual practice, so you have to switch things a little bit. For example, men can be allowed to bring drinks and have their corner or space and the ladies in attendance can be allowed to also have their corner,” says Edith.

“A way to include the men in attendance in the baby showers is to incorporate food that they enjoy in the menu. Also, when it comes to games men may not be comfortable playing the traditional baby shower games. Hence, the organiser has to find baby shower games that can appeal to them. For example, men can play the game where they are tasked to mimic their wives by using balloons to create balloon bellies.”

Whatever your personal opinion may be about men attending baby showers, it is only fair to acknowledge that although men are physically unable to carry a baby in their bodies, they are often nearby and experience all the side effects of pregnancy by their association with the expectant mother.

They are the ones who have to deal with pregnancy mood swings and drive to the supermarket at 3 am when their wife has a craving for a glass of Fanta.

They are the ones who turn into a masseuse when their wife’s feet swell and even stay up late when insomnia hits. The list goes on and on about all the chivalrous actions expectant fathers take to make easy the life of the woman carrying their child.

Therefore, isn’t it only fitting that those men who are comfortable and desire to participate actively in baby showers be allowed to do so in peace, and for those who would rather not participate, be allowed to do so also?